You || Krii7y

16. Explosion

Jaren gets to the restaurant Kieran said they'd meet at with five minutes to spare. He walks in and looks around, not finding him. A waiter approaches him.

"Hi, are you waiting for someone?"

"Yeah, my date."

"Alright, if I could seat you at the table just there in the corner and I'll be around once your date's here."

"Great."

Jaren walks over to the table the waiter had pointed at and sits, pulling his phone out to make it look like he has something to be doing. He scrolls through Twitter, retweeting fan art he finds and looking at what people are up to.

It's ten minutes after they said they'd meet and Jaren fears he has been stood up. He repeatedly looks up, his heart rate increasing, when he finally spies Kieran coming towards him.

"Hey!"

"Hi," Jaren responds.

"How long have you been here?"

"About fifteen minutes."

"Oh, right. Sorry I'm late."

"It's okay." Jaren finds himself thinking of the fact that John never left him waiting when they went out. Ever. He'd always make sure he got there before Jaren did or else would text him if he was going to be even a minute late.

When the waiter comes to them, they order their food, making small talk while they wait for it to arrive.

"So you do this YouTube thing for a living?"

"Yeah, it's a bit of an odd job but I enjoy it."

"I don't mean to pry, but do you make a lot?" Why do people care so much?

"Um... a decent amount, yeah. Enough that I can live comfortably."

"Nice. It's a good job to have."

"I guess. What do you do?"

"I'm the manager of my old man's business. Windows and whatnot."

"Oh, that sounds... fun."

Kieran laughs. "You're too nice. It's shit and you know it. But I mean, we make a fair amount of money and the business has been alive for years, so I can't complain."

Their food arrives and they continue talking about themselves, their jobs, their families, their friends. Jaren doesn't realise how much he veers off-topic talking about John until Kieran laughs.

"Wow, are you sure you're just friends with John? It sounds like it's him who should be sat in my place right now."

Jaren laughs politely but his mind is reeling. Kieran is a nice guy - he's witty and charming but Jaren feels like there's something missing. No, he doesn't feel it, he knows it. And it's John, just as Kieran had joked about.

They continue conversing but Jaren's heart isn't in it anymore. They finish eating and Kieran pays, though Jaren protests.

"It's fine," Kieran says. "Thank you for a great evening."

"Thank you for paying, even though I told you I had it."

"Erm... would it be okay if I took you out again, or...?" He scratches the back of his neck as he waits for Jaren's reply.

Shit. Jaren didn't want to have to say it to him. He takes a deep breath. "Um... listen, Kieran. You're great. You're funny and attractive but we're... really different people. I'm not sure we're suited to being together like this but I am more than down for round two of kicking your ass at games." He feels like an asshole for rejecting this perfectly kind person but he doesn't want to start something he knows he won't be committed to.

He sighs in relief when Kieran smiles wryly at him. "Oh, it's on, bro." He stands up and puts his hand out to Jaren. "To round two. As friends."

Jaren grips his hand and shakes it firmly. "As friends."

****************************

John can't find it. Where the fuck has it gone? He's searched his whole house but he can't find his phone. Think, John. Think. Where did he last see it?

Fuck. He smacks his forehead again. He'd left it at Jaren's house this morning. Like an idiot, he'd put it down on the coffee table and had forgotten to grab it when he rushed out. He sighs, eyeing the clock.

It's nine in the evening. Does he really want to face Jaren, when Kieran is probably at his house? Would he even be back from their date?

There's only one way to find out. He hops in his car and drives off towards Jaren's house. The roads are clear and he's there within ten minutes. He climbs out of his car and inhales, approaching the door before knocking.

He's stood outside for no more than twenty seconds before the door is opened by Jaren, dressed in a black shirt and jeans. Wow is all John thinks before he speaks.

"Hi again."

Jaren smiles halfheartedly at John. "Hey."

"I sorta left my phone at yours this morning. Do you mind if I grab it?"

"Sure," Jaren sniffs.

John slips past and goes to the table, finding his phone. He pockets it and turns to Jaren.

"Um... how was your date?"

What John doesn't expect is for Jaren's bottom lip to tremble and for him to take a heaving breath before tears fall. John runs to him and holds his arms.

"Hey, hey. Don't cry." He brings Jaren to the couch and seats them beside each other. John says nothing to Jaren for a few seconds, just taking him into his arms and cradling him. "Do you want to talk about it?" he offers when Jaren's sobs subside.

"No."

"Hey, it's me."

"I know. Can we not?"

"You can tell me anything, Jaren."

"Not this. Can you leave, please?" It comes out as a broken whisper that knocks the air from John's lungs.

"I don't want to leave when you're hurting. Please tell me. What can I do to help?"

Jaren rips himself from John's grasp and lurches away from him. When he turns around, his expression is stormy.

"You can't fucking help when it's you who is the problem. One minute you basically tell me to fuck off because your girlfriend's waiting for you and then you turn up to my house and act like everything between us is fine. You treat me like a punching bag, coming back when it suits you and I should tell you I'm done but it's so hard to when you've got your fucking hooks in me so deep because I know the real you and I miss us.

"I used to hate that you didn't feel the way I do about you but right now, I'd do anything just to have my best friend back. You were mine but you're too fucking absorbed with your relationship to realise that I care about you a hell of a lot.

"I never asked you to love me in any way other than as your friend. The way you used to treat me, even as friends, has me ruined for anyone else. You want to know why I'm miserable? It's because I just told Kieran we wouldn't work out. And you want to know why I said that? Because all I was doing was comparing him to you. I knew our whole relationship would just be based on what I have with you and he wouldn't be able to give me that. I rejected him so I can go back to pining after my straight best friend who couldn't give fewer shits about me.

"I'm half in love with you already, so please, just leave me alone and don't pretend you care. Go back to your girlfriend - she's more important than I am." His voice cracks as he whispers the last dooming thing. "We're done."