In Full Color: My Journey As A Nonbinary Person

Bully (n): A Person Who Seeks To Harm Those They Perceive As Vulnerable

I have never had a good relationship with my body. Every time I became okay (or at least sort of okay) with a certain part of myself, a new problem would take its place. Not only did my own mind make fun of me, but so did the people I went to school with.

Fourth grade was the start of it. I had gone to a private Catholic school for kindergarten thru third grade but decided to try out a public school for the next year. The next 'year' only lasted a semester and, by winter break, I was ready to go back to private school. I missed my old friends, and couldn't make new ones at the public school.

When I went back to private school, my friends seemed to have moved on from me. A lot of them became what my friend, Kel, and I called the 'Populars" because that's what they were; popular. The Populars were ruthless and willing to squash any bug in their way. They were the stereotypical mean girls clique.

The leader of the pride was named Lizzy, who indeed did resemble a lion with her curly mane. She was once a close friend of mine, but that year she made it very clear that she wanted nothing to do with me. After years of inviting me to her annual birthday bash at her filthy rich grandparents' house, Lizzy's 11th birthday party would be the last one I attended. 

Without going into detail, the party went terribly for me. Not only did my bathing suit top come untied, but it fell down without me realizing, and I made a fool of myself in front of my crush at the time, Frankie. I was absolutely mortified and didn't want anyone to see any part of my body ever again.

The next big event happened two years later. Lizzy found out about my ongoing crush on Frankie (which would last for about four years in total) and decided to tell him. Then, Frankie and his best friend stood up in the middle of a dead silent study hall and started yelling to each other about me.

"I love her!"
"No, I do! She's mine!"

So on and so on until the teacher yelled at them to stop. My face was hot with embarrassment. The Populars got what they wanted, it seems. To this day I still have no idea if Frankie actually liked me or not, but still, Lizzy brainwashed him into teasing me for the next two years.

The next year, I got braces to straighten out my horribly crooked teeth. This added to my insecurities, causing me to never smile for a picture until the braces were off (three years later).

Finally, during my last year of grade school, Kel and I decided that we wanted to change. We wanted nothing more than to be popular and liked, so we both joined the football and basketball cheerleading squads. This led to one of the worst things that happened during my grade school career. I still have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that this actually happened, and that it wasn't a dream or something I made up.

The football and basketball players had written a petition, signed by multitudes of the Populars. It stated that they wanted me and Kel to be kicked off the cheerleading squads. Their reasoning? Kel and I weren't 'cheerleading material'. Lizzy's second in command told me that Kel and I just weren't pretty enough. 

The whole rest of the year, two rumors spread about me.
1. That I had an eating disorder.
2. That Kel and I were secretly in love with each other.