dear anyone who cares

I'll Put You To The Test.

Would you notice if I wasn't around anymore, or if I was beginning to get thinner and thinner, or if I stopped talking or even if I stopped coming outside. I doubt it. I would tell you how I feel or how much I hate myself, but I know you don't wanna hear it . I dont want you to waste your time on me, so I'll just stay quiet and drag a fake smile across my face.
Why won't this ever end, why do I somehow always believe that I'm getting better... But then it all comes crashing down, taking me under, washing over me. Drowning me. Ive said it a thousand fucking times that im okay, that I'm fine, but I'm not. I dont blame you for stopping caring about me, after all I fed you lies after lies, but I'm still human, I'm a pathetic accuse of a human but I still feel pain, hunger every hour every day, just keeps on repeating itself. Same shit, different day. Nothing to do and all day to do it.
I dont want to live like this anymore and I won't, so dont be surprised when you find me. Cold, pale, disastrous,