Goodbye Soul (Get Scared fanfic)

I can't remember anything

"C'mon Nick, you know us," Adam tells Nicholas, "we're your friends," he looks at Rachel who's holding the baby, "and wife and child."

"I- I don't know who you are," Nick states shyly, "I'm sorry."

This is a joke. It's a sick twisted joke that Nick planned while in a coma. He was still mentally active, he would've plotted his evil prank... Right? 

Rachel gets closer to him by kneeling down as she holds Nevaeh in her arms. "Baby, you have to remember me. Us. We're family."

Nick shrugs and shakes his head slowly. "Where am I?"

The doctor answers, "you're in the hospital. You we're brought here after you got in a car accident."

"How long have I been out?" Nick asks, suddenly nervous.

"About five days," he answers.

"And I know these people?" 

"Yes, the four of them were in the van with you, and she's your wife," Dr. Shaffer explains to Nick. After a few more minutes of talking to Nicholas, he writes things down on a clip board. He then asks to speak to us out in the hallway. His face is now a bit troubled. The atmosphere becomes thick and dense. Everyone swaying side to side, fidgeting with anything they can, or looking at everything around them.

"It seems like Nicholas has taken some damage to his brain. It occurs in a lot of people who are in accidents like the one he was in. What he has, from the looks of it, is retrograde amnesia. He's having trouble remembering his life before the accident. Obviously. It's almost like what Adam has, since he can't remember much of thug day, but it's far more severe. Obviously."

"Will he ever remember us?" Rachel asks.

"It's possible, but I can't say for sure. Not everyone who gets this type of amnesia remembers their past. Some take months or even years to retrieve all their lost memories," he explains to us. That's leaving a bad taste in my mouth; it's bitter like expired apple juice. "If he starts having trouble remembering things that happened after the accident, then that will become global amnesia, which might be a bit more problematic."

The weight of the situation comes down on to my shoulders; it hurts my back and my chest, makes my legs feel weak and shaky. 

My best friend may never remember me...

More than twenty years of memories, laughs, music, and fighting the world when we thought it was against us, slipping past his fingertips and he's not even trying to take grip of them, because he doesn't know they're slipping. 

He won't remember playing super smash bros on the Nintendo 64 until 4 in the morning in my room when we were kids. He won't remember us trying to make music in his parents garage when we got our first guitars at 12. He won't remember forming Get Scared and going on tour for the first time. He's forgotten the secrets and the trust between us. The cold winter nights, the hot summer days, and everything in between. Gone.

I step out and go back to the waiting room. Tears fighting against my will to stop them from coming. Johnny comes in and sits next to me. He pats me back, staying silent. A clump of rocks form in my throat and I can't breathe.  

                                -------------------------------

I keep pacing back and forth through the hospital corridor. I'm horribly exhausted from the lack of proper sleep, but there's so much anxiety and adrenaline pumping through my veins constantly that it makes impossible to sit still. I barely eat anything, because my stomach is always sick and on the verge of spilling its acid out. Everyone keeps telling me to leave.

But I can't.

Getting into a car has been something I have yet to face. I haven't told anyone about what happened the other day when I tried to go to the hotel. No one knows what I saw or how I felt, and if they ever found out they'd probably think I'm being ridiculous. I can't stay in this hospital forever, I have to leave eventually, I just don't know when and how I'll be able to.

It's been four days since Nick woke up from his coma and there hasn't been any improvement in his memory at all. He has accepted us as part of his past life, but not so much as his present one. He doesn't really trust us, he doesn't like to talk to us very much, except sometimes Rachel. He treats us like he treats strangers; with respect but with nervous timidity. His social anxiety has some how not gone away with the rest of his memories. 

I walk back in to find Rachel sitting on his bed next to him.

"Hey guys," I say, going towards one of the seats.

"Hi, Lloyd," Rachel greets me.

"Hey," Nick kinda mumbles, but still smiles. At least he said hi this time.

He turns back to Rachel and Navaeh. Rachel sweetly and warmly smiles at Nick and I can see his face turn to light shade of pink. Amazing how even though he forgot her, he is still managing to fall back in love with her. It's absolutely beautiful. I really wish I had a girlfriend now.

  "So how exactly did we meet?" Nick asks her. Rachael's face becomes a bit saddened, but then cheers up.

"It's probably not the most romantic story, but we met at a rehab center for heroin. I had already been there for a while, then one day you came in. And I remember thinking you were really fucking cute. I went up to you and we started talking. You talked about being in a band and recording an album with them and that passion for what you did.. Just made me fall for you. We talked everyday and pushed each other to get better and surpass that damned addiction.

Now we're both clean, married and have a child. And I love you."

"I was addicted to heroin?" he asks as his expression turns from being happy to somber and confused. "What the fuck was wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with me?" 

"Nothing, nothing is wrong with you, Nick," she tells him, "you were going through a tough time and fell in a bad habit, but that's okay because you're better now."

"But I can't remember anything."

It's almost criminal. 

"How am I better?" His voice cracks. I sense frustration within him. He wants to remember. He wants to understand, but he can't. And it's killing him. He's almost become a body without a soul. "Everyone keeps telling me they know me and that I know them and that my life was fucking crazy, but I don't remember any of it."

Even without his memory, his personality is still the same. Sensitive and emotional. But that's why he's awesome musician, because he pours all that onto pen and paper, then to his voice. Get Scared really wouldn't be the same without him.

Will he remember how to play instruments or how to sing or write? It's basically second nature now, maybe he can.  

I got so distracted in my own thoughts that I didn't realize that they're both crying. Nick has his face in his palms, and Rachel is looking at him, wiping away fallen tears. Well shit this got sad really fast.

Navaeh starts crying from portable bed cradle Rachel had her napping in. I say "I got it," assuming she just wanted to be held and away from her crying parents (who probably woke the poor thing.)

I pick her up and hold her in my arms. I step out and start to rock her side to side. As she settles and starts falling back asleep, I can hear Nick and Rachel talk. 

"What if I never remember you?"

"You will. You just have to believe and take your time," Rachel answers, "and if you don't, we can make new memories. Happy, peaceful memories."

It's silent for a bit. All I can hear is sniffling. 

"Ah fuck!" Nick whines, suddenly.

"Woah what's wrong?" Rachel asks.

I swing back in, worried for Nick. He's holding his head and complaining about sharp pains behind his eyes.

God dammit what is it now? Why can't he just be healthy now?