Goodbye Soul (Get Scared fanfic)

I was terrified

"Fuck!" Nick keeps whining. 

    Rachel calls a nurse to check out the scene. All the commotion, seeing Nicholas in pain, hearing Navaeh start crying again, is making my senses become overloaded. It has caused my heart to pound a thousand times a minute and my chest to tighten enough to only allow shallow breaths in. 

"WATCH OUT!"

The crash rings in my ears as the walls shake around me. Nick's face is covered in blood and I can't help but to scream out his name.

"Are you okay?" a nurse asks me. I look up, realizing everyone is staring at me. Even Nick, who still looks like he's in pain has a worried expression on his face.

"Yes?" he says as if answering to me, "you don't have to yell; I'm right here."

I actually screamed out loud... Oh fuck that's embarrassing. 

Anxiety spiking, head spinning, hands trembling, I excuse myself to leave the room as fast as possible. 

The hallway feels endless as it becomes longer and longer every step I take. The bright white lights make it hard for me to keep my eyes open and stay focused. Now I understand why Nick can't stand them.

Sirens wail in my ear and the red and blue lights shine before my eyes. "Nick wake up!" He Won't wake up. He's dying. He's gonna die!

Fuck, why does keep happening? It feels so real. I keeps repeating over and over again as if it wasn't traumatic enough the first time, when it actually happened.

I go into a bathroom and in throw myself into a stall, closing it behind myself. Short, sharp inhales enter my weak lungs as I let myself fall apart. The walls of the empty restroom, caused every cry to echo around. It kinda sounds like reverb... This restroom has nice acoustics... Too bad I'm weeping my eyes out and not singing something.

I slide my back down the stall door until I'm sitting on the floor with my knees to my chest. For fuck's sake, it feels like I'm back in high school when I didn't have the same lunch as any of my friends so I would eat alone in the bathroom and feel absolutely miserable. (Fortunately enough, Nick hated school enough to skip geometry to sit with me on several ocassions)

This is pathetic.

"Lloyd?" a familiar voice calls out for me. Pretty sure it's Johnny. I wipe my face free from fallen tears and hold my breath until I can speak.

"Yeah?"

"I just got here and Rachel says you says bit of a moment there. Are you good?" he asks.

"No, I can't fucking live like this!"

"Like how?"

I stand up and open the stall door. I see myself in the mirror, barely being able to recognize myself. It's like looking at a total stranger.  Is that really me?

I shift my attention back to Johnny and face him.

"Like this!" I gesture at my entire body, "I haven't showered in two weeks, I'm so tired because I haven't slept for more than 3 hours a day, and Nick doesn't fucking remember me. My best friend has no idea who I am."

"Nick's gonna remember, Lloyd. And if he doesn't, you can still be best friends, it doesn't just have to end there. Maybe you should come to the hotel with us to get some sleep and a shower; it might help," he suggests.

"I CAN'T, JOHNNY!"

"Why not?"

"CUZ I'M FUCKING SCARED!" I scream, ashamed of myself. "I'm so fucking scared to get in that car."