Creative Writing

Abased

Note from Author: Recently, I read a piece on a rape story in the form of a letter from the rapist to the woman he raped. Though not instantly, I believe I got the idea of writing about what the victim might have felt, perhaps two months or three after the incident. So, I decided to put this down as soon as I could, while the idea was still new in my mind. And so, this piece is as a result of my thoughts pertaining to what I believe a female rape victim would naturally feel. Enjoy and please, drop a comment.✨

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A clouded mind, thoughts flying back and forth, rapid questions and even faster answers...

The whole world blurred before my very eyes. I blinked hard to clear it.

Why didn't it clear?

I blinked again, harder this time. For a moment; like I looked through a crystal. Then the blur came back even worse.

What is this?

I felt a lump rise in my throat, hard and heavy. Was it my heart I felt in there? For I could hardly feel the muscular thing beat in my chest.

What did I feel?

Could it be explained in one word, or even a sentence?

One moment, I was clothed in silk and gold. Perhaps, red. A color so seductive and appealing. Yet in this, I was stripped, naked and left out in the cold. Once upon a time, so very long ago, my touch melted the hardest of hearts. I could retrieve a feeling of ecstasy long gone from one's soul. Just with the touch of my fingertips. They say I bore fire in my bosom. Stars in my eyes too.

I could move then, in motions smooth and free. I moved others too for I had nothing to lose. They say I flowed with the wind like flower petals of a Sakura tree, right after a full bloom. Yet, I was strong as the Willow tree. And like water current washing over the shore, they say I could polish the dirtiest grains of sand.

Whatever happened to that Queen with a mind of many colors?

Degraded for my lack of caution and my inability to look before I leaped. Or perhaps, my ability to sink into an abyss knowing fully well what it is I did.

Dear God, have I offended you? Have you left me to wallow away in this seemingly endless pain that clutches at my heart, claws deep?

Once when I felt emotion in my stomach, it was of colorful butterflies fluttering. Even singing. Now my stomach is heavy like it bears a stone. They say it's the feel of new life, but I'll tell you this, dear child. It feels worse than a burden planted in my belly. One I never asked to bear.

At least not now! No, not now...

The devil came, the devil oppressed, the devil planted.

And now they say it is not right to let go of this burden for the fact that I am a woman and I have to keep what's left of my dignity.

What really is left of my dignity?!

He came, he stole it, he killed me and he destroyed it. It's all ashes, blown away by the slightest gust of wind.

What's to become of me now? Will I ever meet my dream where it's patiently waiting? Will I find love in a fellow human, one so pure and true? Will I ever step into a room to be regarded as one who wears a crown of gold and precious stones?

This is not what the creator wrote on the pages of my book... Is it?

Creator....Help! My heart falls apart as my insides turn...