Living In Oblivion

21

Everything in life comes at a price. You always have to give away something precious in order to gain something else, and this cycle continues as long as life goes on. When they say life is not a bed of roses, it makes me wonder who would have wanted life to be a bed of roses in the first place. A few thorns here and there make it worth it, isn't it? But then there are some stubborn thorns that pierce your skin so deep, so deep that the blood never seems to stop flowing. Instead of healing, the wound keeps getting deeper and deeper, and in the end, you just become accustomed to it. You learn to survive with it, and it's not like the pain doesn't affect you anymore, but you just ignore the feeling of it. And you do it so well that the wound even doubts its own existence.

Swallowing a tablet without water, Divit pressed his head to subside the pain. It was one of those sleepless nights when broken dreams came back to haunt his well-built reality. Rubbing his eyes, he traced the keys on the keyboard with his palm and then closed his laptop. Returning to bed, he lay down, waiting for the sleeping pill to work on his exhausted brain.

Avanti rubbed her eyes to push away sleep. She couldn't believe she was awake before the alarm today. It wasn't even five in the morning, yet the day looked lively to her. Lying in bed, her eyes followed the reflection of the yellow street light on her window. The darkness of the night remained intact, and the faint yellow hue merged with it, making the world appear pale, dull, yet very much alive.

She smiled and sat up, leaning against the headboard. Winter had subsided now. It wasn't as cold as before, especially since February had kicked off its journey this year. It was more pleasant than January. Although the parrots had almost stopped appearing on the electric wires, the pigeons still perched on the trees outside her window. Over a month had passed, and Avanti had finally adjusted to the corporate world. It was nothing but struggle, survival, sadness, and a facade that neatly entwined dissatisfaction, endings, happiness, and unchangeable reality.

She enjoyed her paychecks at the end of the month, as well as the money she earned from tutoring and repairing machinery for people without charging them. However, sometimes everything just felt so unsatisfactory. Licking the boots of her seniors and bosses seemed to be an unwritten part of the job description she wasn't aware of, but she was slowly getting adjusted to it. Unsettling thoughts plagued her mind as she stared at the clock. It was time.

Hastily getting up, she wrapped a shawl over her kurta and went to prepare herself a cup of coffee and test papers for the kids.

At seven, Divit walked out of his room, regretting not waking up for his morning walk on time. Although he had slept late the previous night, he always avoided missing his workouts. Stretching his arms, he yawned and pushed his hair back.

"Good morning, Divit, Sir," Avanti's fresh voice reached his ears, and he tried to open his eyes properly.

"Goo-ouwd-Mo-oo-rning," he yawned again, trying to focus on her.

Avanti giggled as she closed the door after picking up the newspaper and sending the students away. Walking towards him, she smiled. "You woke up late today?"

"Yes," he nodded and went to the kitchen to grab a water bottle.

Avanti smiled to herself, noticing the tiredness in his eyes. The dark circles under his eyes were worsening day by day. "Yaa, sure," he answered, accepting her offer to make him tea.

As she walked back to the kitchen, tying her hair tighter and placing the pan on the stove, she remained unaware of the eyes that followed her like her own shadow. Those eyes absorbed all her imperfections and transformed them into perfection, as his heart perceived it. He watched her perform her chores with a smile on her lips. Sometimes her attitude towards life made him ponder. How could someone be so positive in the face of constant struggle? Instead of cursing the problems, she always sought a way out.

He observed her hair falling on her face as she scratched her neck, her collarbones peeking through her white kurta, illuminating her fair skin, resembling the winter fog—illusory, yet so real, all white and silver. After handing him his tea and taking a sip of her own, she picked up the newspaper, dropped it, and walked towards her room. She returned a minute later, clearing her throat.

"Um, Divit, sir, here's the rent for last month," she said, holding out the money.

Divit placed his cup on the table, contemplating her tired eyes. The sincerity in her gesture touched him. "That's okay. I mean, there's no hurry. I know that you-"

She raised an eyebrow, challenging him to continue.

"No, I mean, you can pay it later. Take care of everything else first. There's no rush-"

"No, take it seriously. You've already been so generous by not asking me earlier, and you never questioned why it took time. Besides, I'm already paying half a month late, and you never asked for my share of the security deposit either, so-"

"Avanti," he paused her, "It's fine," he blinked.

Her heart skipped a beat. Something in his eyes had a magical effect on her, tugging at invisible strings within her. She couldn't put a name to it. Without hesitation, she met his gaze, searching for any hint of insincerity or rejection, but it wasn't there, and that troubled her. It troubled her more than she expected, more than she could confess. His eyes were unabashedly honest, capable of taking her breath away. She blinked, feeling a sudden rush of fear.

Controlling her racing breath and pounding heartbeat, she uttered, "No, please. Take it. I insist."

Divit couldn't deny it.

After a minute of constant silence that screamed much louder than any voice ever could, he told her, "You didn't need to. Not now at least. I see you working hard every minute and I have myself seen it what it takes to kill a part of yourself bit by bit for making something that looks more important now. And before the scam comes in front of your eyes unbashed you don't need to pay." By the look in her eyes he knew that she was slightly offended. "No I don't mean to sympathise you at all. Trust me. With no offense I am telling you that if this money could be invested in something more important, go for it. I am in no hurry"

Her eyes blinked, taking in the effort he made not to sound rude or offensive. It amused her how he was always aware of his potential rudeness, but there were only a few times when he cared to suppress it. She smiled, "No, take it. It's a burden."

He looked at her for few seconds and than without any other word took it from her hand.

She turned to walk to her room taking few steps, but then stopped and turned back, "And Sir a part of me is not dying in this process"

He looked at her for a few seconds, his gaze unwavering, and then smiled. "Yes, it is. You're just not aware of it yet."