Living In Oblivion

37

Turning to the other side, Divit gripped the blanket tightly, pulling it over his head. The voluptuous thoughts of hatred and questions wandered through his mind, preventing sleep from taking hold. What was he doing? What was he doing here? In her home, in her life, and in this city?

Why was he this pathetic?

And was he this pathetic?

And why did he feel an undeniable acceptance of her decisions that persistently knocked on his heart? And what was this constant feeling of pain- that saw her, painted a picture of her side of story. No, he rminded himself again and again- not because he was slipping but because he couldn't afford to slip. The ache in his chest remained fresh, reminding him of the time when he was left alone to deal with his shattered heart. When she never turned back- to see if he collapsed or made it.

No support, empty walls, memories of her lingering in the air, her comforting hugs and heartfelt cuddles—it was too much, it had been too much to face alone. But he had done it, slowly and calmly, slowly dying but surviving the passing years without her. The world tells you to move on, but it never touches upon what you leave behind. A part of it always stays with you throughout your journey until your deathbed. You can't simply move on from something that has become an integral part of you. All you can do is move forward, carrying that part with grace and integrity, respecting the intimate words and secrets shared, and refusing to succumb to the tempting darkness of hatred that can consume you to cross the boundaries of humanity.

Moving on is easy, but leaving behind is tough.

And now, having accepted the fact with time that no relationship could be more reliable than the one you have with yourself, he couldn't believe he had encountered her once again. Knowing that her struggles to build a better life had only increased over time, despite the hardships, his respect for her grew even stronger. He wanted to help her.

And he hated- loathed himself for wanting so.

But there were many reasons to do so, one of them being that if he didn't, he wouldn't be able to find peace in his own life. Although it was a different thing that there was no way he could find peace while keeping so much inside, the thought of leaving her in such a state made him question whether he would ever be able to find peace at all.

Suddenly, the dim light that peeked through the thick blanket vanished. Divit removed the blanket from his head and looked around, realizing that the light was gone. Surprised, he searched for his phone and found it, turning on the flashlight. He got up, slipped on his slippers, and wrapped the blanket tightly around himself. The nights were freezing, especially compared to the daytime temperature.

He walked outside and called her name, making his way towards her room. Peeking inside, he noticed her absence. He closed the door quietly and called out her name again, searching both outside and in the kitchen. Feeling dejected and slightly worried, his eyes caught sight of a dim light shining through the open door of the terrace. Curious, he climbed up the stairs, following the light.

As he heard noises, he picked up his pace and opened the door wide after reaching the top of the stairs. The freezing wind hit his body, making him shiver. Holding the blanket tightly, he gritted his teeth as snowflakes fell on him, turning his skin red. Though he loved winters, he wasn't accustomed to snow and drizzles. Rubbing his hands together inside the blanket, he took long breaths, trying to keep warm.

His eyes soon caught sight of Avanti's shivering figure, covered in a thick, long jacket, with her gloves set aside on the corner of the floor. Her long hair was neatly tucked under a cap, tied tightly around her neck. Confused, he approached her as she struggled to climb the small wall of the adjacent house.