Tales of an Unremarkable Girl

I might be getting there

I am so very insecure when it comes to other people. I am too afraid to text first, to be the one that makes that leap. I hate getting attached to another person because they almost never feel the same way I do. I like consistency. I like stability. Maybe because I lack it in my own life, in my own family. I like people who make an effort, who try to find things to talk about even after we’ve talked about everything else. I like asking and being asked questions. I like sending random pictures and never having to explain why I sent it. I like people who rant and ramble and talk about things they love, things that they are passionate about. 

I hate when someone leaves me hanging, who leaves my messages on read and doesn’t reply for hours. I end up waiting and waiting, checking my phone every ten minutes for a response that isn’t coming. I hate when people go from talking about everything to talking about nothing and one wording me. I never know what to say when that happens. I feel like I did something wrong. Like I’m bothering them. But I rarely will ask because I am afraid of the truth. Afraid of a lie. 

The problem is that I’m shy and not good with social cues, I am closed off until I am comfortable with another person. I only ever put in as much effort as I am getting, I will rarely ever go the extra mile and text first. I am not interesting and come off as boring to most that know me. The only real passion I have is reading. I often keep my feelings inside because I don’t know how to express them and I’m not very good at sharing myself with others. There are things that I am still trying to say out loud that I haven’t quite managed yet.

But I think I might be getting there.