Masked//Roman Reigns Love Story

32. We're Done

Wednesday, December 18, 2013
12:08a.m.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"It's Joe, let me in," he yelled from the other side of the hotel room door.

In a matter of seconds, I lazily unlocked the door and pulled it open. Joe came in smelling like cherries and coconuts and it felt like I was receiving some form of aromatherapy as he wrapped his arms around me. He silently closed and locked the hotel room door and carried me over to the bed. He seated himself before pulling me down onto his lap with my back resting against his chest. His hands were wrapped up with mine on my lap, and I was enjoying our intimate position.

"You told Mark you were here?" he asked.

"Yeah, said I threw up and that the trainers told me to leave and get some rest. He was okay with it as long as I texted him every hour," I told him.

"You didn't actually throw up did you?"

"No. Just didn't feel like being there after a while. Got tired of people asking me questions."

"Well I was gonna ask if you were okay, but I guess that would get on your nerves," he joked.

"I'm okay, I'm fine."

"Are you though?" he challenged.

I could feel myself losing control. People like him and JG were reading into me way more than I was willing to let him. Jessica saw me cry, AJ knew exactly how to push my buttons. I was feeling a little too exposed lately and it wasn't good. I worked too hard for my image, I couldn't let things fall apart.

"I'm fine! You're pushing me to tell you that I'm not fine so you can sit here and say we need a break so I can work on myself. Just be honest, you don't wanna be with me anymore, say it! You're about to blow up into a big mega star in WWE and you don't want a crazy, unpredictable girl like me anymore!" I snapped, shooting up from his lap before I started pacing across the floor.

"What the hell? Maria, you're being ridiculous, where is this coming from? Why are you snapping out like this?" he scoffed.

I felt my body rocking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. I was losing it all. This voice inside of me was louder than ever and it was worse than any migraine I'd ever experienced in my entire life. I couldn't take it anymore. It was screaming at me to tell the truth for once. It was yelling that I stop fighting and accept that I will never be perfect no matter how hard I try. I felt like my twenty year old self all over again. It felt like late nights when I was at my abuela's house, heavily considering popping pills. I felt so weak, so confused, so broken. I didn't want to live anymore when Damian came back into my life. He was threatening Joseph, sending me flight tickets to come "home."

With Joe, he always felt like a fresh start. I couldn't understand why it felt like I'd known him all my life. There was something about him, about us together that felt refreshing and promising, like we had a legitimate chance at a future together. I could live a healthy life with him and I'd be okay after all. But of course, Damian could never let me have shit. He owned me, I was his little bitch. He owned me then, and he owned me now. I had reinvented myself to be someone he couldn't take advantage of. I lied and wore a mask and acted the way I did to feel stronger and better about myself. The new me never got destroyed or raped by Damian and I loved that. I wasn't the same fifteen year old, silent girl.

"What's this?" Joe asked from above me as I sat crouched over on the floor.

I wiped my eyes and stood to my feet. Something was off. I turned over my shoulder and was able to make out the papers he'd been latching onto. Except, they weren't papers. They were photos. Two very, precious photos.