Masked//Roman Reigns Love Story

33. Trust No One

Monday, December 23, 2013
11:28a.m.

It'd been about five days since I got my heart ripped out of my chest and shredded to pieces. I felt it missing, too, but I didn't know how to get it back. The past few days I hadn't been wanting to do anything. I felt like I'd been in an emotional car wreck and it was wearing on me. My workout sessions were a drag. My nights were restless. My thoughts were too loud. Half the time it didn't even feel like I was breathing. Michelle and Mark found my distant behavior a little odd, but I was determined to hold off their questions for as long as possible. I couldn't bring myself to lie, but I couldn't bring myself to tell the truth either.

"Maria, are you even listening to me?" Noah asked, putting down his clipboard to sit by my side.

"Sorry," I sighed, shaking my head with reckless abandon.

"You keep zoning out. You've been a wreck since you came back from work. I know you're feeling like your spot's been taken, but this is a blessing in disguise. When you get back, you won't be stuck in AJ's shadow, you'll get to do your own thing. That's what you want, right?" he pressed.

"In hindsight, of course I wanted to do my own thing. But say I do come back and I'm on my own, what if I screw up? I don't have anyone to hide behind if I'm by myself. What if I'm not ready? What if no one even cares that I'm back? What if I never get back because of the birthday incident?"

My life felt like it was stuck in limbo and I had absolutely no control over any of it.

"I can't lie and say I've seen how talented you are in the ring with my own eyes because I don't have much to go off of, but I do trust that you know what you're doing. Whatever it is that you put your mind to, you've always been really good at it. Great even. Math, dancing, being a protective sister. I know you can do it all, and after everything you've overcome and accomplished, I can't believe you don't feel the same. Maria, you've got so much damn potential and I don't want you to let the 'what ifs' stop you from putting in the work and taking a few chances."

Maybe I was good at math and dancing. And maybe I had protected my sister well enough for her to do well for herself. And maybe I was good in the ring when I wanted to be. But I wasn't a good girlfriend, I could never be that. I tried and failed, every single time and I couldn't forgive myself for it. I was an awful mother and I cost my child her life. Maybe I was good at all the wrong things. Maybe I didn't know how to be good to the people who were genuinely good to me.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013
4:45a.m.

I found myself running to the door, ready to talk to him and fix everything when I saw their faces met each other's and their lips embrace in an incredibly sloppy kiss.

WHAT? I felt like I was stuck in some gut wrenching nightmare.

Joe was kissing another woman... He was really done with me. And when I took a careful look at the woman's face. It got worse. I was wishing my attacker had killed me because that view, those two together, was something I never wanted to see.

I maneuvered myself towards the side of the exit door and out of view from them. I could see out, but from where they were sitting, they couldn't see me inside. I didn't want to look anymore, but I couldn't turn away. I couldn't stop staring at Joe roaming his hands through those long, black locks. His hands only pulled away so Joe could remove her glasses from her face to carefully sit them down on the ground. Her fingernails dug into his neck and I felt myself choking.

How could he go for my best friend? Did he have a thing for fucking them? I had to know. Galina, Danielle, Aj, who the hell was next? Did he have feelings for her all this time, or was it just a heat of the moment type of situation? How could he run into her arms? Since when were they close? Had she been trying to take him from me for years and I never realized it? Is that why she was so concerned with me telling Joseph the truth about everything? Because she was trying to push him out of my life and into hers?