Lessons to Learn

The Only Opinion that should Truly Matter is yours

This is one I've struggled with for a while, actually, I still struggle with this today. 

Don't get me wrong, this will never truly ring true to the people who think way too much with their heart over their head (GUILTY), but a sense of truth is better than none. 

When it comes to society, we are all guilty for caring about what others think of us. And here's what I've come to learn: What people think of you is more of a reflection of them, than you. And the same can be said for what you think of others. Your viewpoint on life and people, says a lot more about you than anything. Now play that on repeat. 

In short? Other opinions shouldn't matter. 

The sad truth? They always will. They will, because seeking for approval within ourselves is way too hard and we've fooled ourselves into thinking it's easier to gain the approval of others. Newsflash: It isn't. 

As humans, we will constantly strive to reach perfection. And, at the same time? As humans, we will never reach it. That's just not within our human nature. So thinking we'll be able to maintain someone's expectations of us (Oh? Reference to previous previous chapter?), is a mighty fun way to disappoint not just them, but ourselves. 

But here's why I think the only opinion that should truly matter is yours... 

Because you are the only one who really knows what goes on beyond the surface. There is no one out there better, to judge your situation or understand where you're coming from. Individual differences help to emphasise that. Every situation, every scenario, every person, couldn't be any more different to each other. So when you ask someone what they think, understand that their eyes are different to yours. No one person sees the world the same. 

Saying all that, I understand that you will care about the opinions of people closest to you. You care, because you love them and what they think of you matters. But please also understand, that if they can't/don't understand you, it is no one's fault. And it certainly isn't a sign that what you're doing is wrong. 

Please, please, learn to put yourself first in situations that call for it. Otherwise the world will trample and walk all over you. 

Enough of the monologue, me. Here's a small snippet of what I've gone through, to hopefully convince you. 

I'm a singer, always have been. Around people I'm comfortable around/known for ages, I do not shut up. Whether it's singing somewhat decently, or like a dying cat, I sing. Only recently, have I begun to sing during random calls, or while I'm with people. Before, despite knowing and having been around them for a while, I never had the guts to so much as hum. It had taken me almost 18 years to finally get comfortable singing in person to myself. And among select people. Someone very, very close to me, whom I had met quite a while ago (less than a year), has absolutely no trouble singing around me. And he is also aware that I sing. Within a few weeks of knowing each other, he had asked me to sing for him, especially considering how we met was by singing to each other (P.S. that was a one off for me, I never thought he'd stick around). 

I couldn't. 

I physically could not just start singing like how I usually would. I told him I needed time, and that I wasn't fully comfortable. And now, God knows how many months along the line, I still am physically incapable of singing to him. It's nothing to do with my comfort level with him, I understand that now. Because, believe me if you will, but he is the one I'm most comfortable around. 

Sometimes, there'd be humming. And every now and then I'd catch myself singing quietly. It's slow, and every now and then we'll get into an argument about why I just can't sing to him. Those arguments would make me feel like hell about myself. 

But here's the thing. Despite him being someone I hold dear to me, and whose opinion matters the most, I also know that he won't understand fully why I can't. So when he gets mad and calls me names, I remind myself that he has never been and will never be in my shoes. Time goes a long way for me, and I've explained that to him. I adore that man, but I adore myself too, so I need to remember that it's okay if he doesn't understand. Because I do, and that's all that matters. 

(Don't get the wrong idea, that man is the sweetest thing in this world.)

If I can separate my relationship with him to understand that his words are not by any means a true reflection of who I am, then you can too. Right?