I'm always here for you

1 - Intro

Adrien's POV

The overwhelming feeling came over me the same way it always does. First, a painful memory passes through my mind, breaking the dam, then a flood of other memories start drowning me from the inside.

The worst part is, I don't know which one hurts the most. I can't focus on one memory long enough to see the whole thing before another appears. Anger, remorse, grief and fear are always lingering in the back of my mind, and no amount of light can outshine it. 

I have a lot to be grateful for. Always enough food, a bed to sleep in, education, and a job. I'm not unfortunate. However, despite the greatness of my life, I don't have what I want most: love.

I don't even care if it's romantic. What I really want is someone who cares, someone who can understand, or at least someone willing to listen. But everyone who knows me assumes my life is perfect, and they say things like 'oh, it must be so awesome to be a famous model and be friends with celebrities,' but no, it's not. 

It's so... lonely. 

When in public, I always have to be on my best behaviour. I can't ever be myself. Which is why I love being Chat Noir; I get to act the way I want to, even if I look stupid dressed as a cat. 

I don't like modelling. It's boring, tiresome, and pointless. And what the heck does it even contribute to the world? All that photoshop they put on me makes people feel bad about themselves. I was bulimic once, so I know what beauty standards can do to a person. 

I go to the bathroom and take out a little black box. I lift the small tiny hinges, revealing a set of crafting blades. They're supposed to be used to carve wood, but they serve me in a different way.

I pick up one, and hold it against my wrist. I slice twice, being more gentle than I normally am. As the blood starts trickling softly, I run the tap and hold my wrist underneath the water. After staring at the wounds for some time, I treat them and head off to bed.

I wake up the next morning, and change the bandage on my wrist. I grab my black leather wrist cuff from my side table and put it on. I wish I could go to school in a hoodie, but my father would never allow such a 'disrespect to fashion', so instead, I wear a bracelet to cover my cuts.

Nobody at school knows what's been going on with me, but I think Nino's noticed I've been acting different lately. Saturday was the anniversary of my mom's disappearance, and I had been pretty miserable during the week leading up to it. it's now Monday, and I have to hold back the tears that are threatening to pour.

Before stepping foot out the door, I put on a brave face, trying to hide the sadness behind my eyes. 

Thank goodness tears don't leave scars.

A/n

Hello, thanks for reading this. I would like to say that if you are suffering from depression, please don't harm yourself. Maybe you can try scribbling in a sketchbook, holding a plank, or ripping up some paper. 

If you are feeling alone, you can always talk to me; I'm here to listen to whatever's on your mind. You are never truly alone.

I love you <3