Soul Splinters

A Reaction & Prayer

Before you read this poem, understand I wrote this the day after the festival shooting in Gilroy, California. I woke up, went to work like normal, and only then heard about this horrific attack. My ex was in California at the time, and I was irrationally scared she was near this shooting. It turned out she was not, but my ignorance of California's geography made me panic. Once I knew she was not involved, I wrote this poem as a straightforward reaction and prayer. I am religious, and I try not to be heavy-handed about it in my works; however, this is an honest expression of my fears and thoughts that day. It is also one of very few poems I ever directly addressed to her.

July 29, 2019

Thought I'd re-trained, but only restrained

My thoughts from plunging back into your orbit

And I swore that I changed, but really just feigned

My deeds were all settled, finally had to forge it

Then in terror I saw, as my heart tried to thaw

The shooting in Gilroy, two hours from you 

Then the sun nearly dimmed, my trunk was de-limbed

In a fifty-year storm of doubt my prayers finally flew

Further in and further up, fear became the newest drug

I used to poison my self-pity, turn to weights that you must lug

Lost courage to call you, and fashioned a shoddy mount

For my fears; you'll never be in anyone's body count

It's cruel that disaster strikes so close to a blessing

Your heart must beat faster, perhaps you're confessing

How the yellow brick road really matches your stripes

Fled to Oz for the color, left the dirge of bagpipes

I cannot be sure, but I hazard a guess

You needed more peace, and only found less

Was tying you down; cut off all the loose ends

You ran off road tripping, alone with your friends

And I hope that you grew, from the wind and the rain

And threw out the map where the streets have no name

I hope the gray days never turned you too blue

And each moment, a field of dreams opened for you

Did you water the desert with tears when it just

Seemed like memories' ashes were turning to dust? 

Did you reach in the flames, even if they could burn

And lock the one ring far away in an urn? 

I hope you could settle the quakes in L.A. 

As you calmed the storm inside you each day

That your faith could move mountains out of your shining path

And you let gentle breezes blow away all the chaff

I pray you felt new, and could throw out the old

In a Toyota chrysalis, your wings could unfold

Your heart was an ingot that melted to gold

Go and shatter the glass, fortune favors the bold