One Night in Paris

Bana Ellerini Ver

Can

"You can go or you can stay. Makes no difference to me." She shrugged one smooth shoulder indifferently. She belied her words by snuggling her face back into my chest. I held her tighter, my face in her hair, her intoxicating fragrance and her slight softening towards me making me lightheaded.

"Sanem, can we go somewhere to talk?"

No answer.

I looked down and saw her sweet slumbering face. A memory of a t-shirt clad Sanem sleeping in my arms at the cabin flashed through my mind.

Wine was her kryptonite. I smiled at the memory and almost suffocated with love for her.

"Sweetheart," I tried to gently wake her to no avail. "Sanem, baby, wake up," a soft snore was her answer. I swept her sleeping form up in my arms and slipped out of the courtyard gate.

******
Something startled me awake. I sat up from my cramped position on the couch. It took a second to come fully awake. I heard it again. Sounded like muffled sobs coming from the direction of the bedroom. Sanem. I brought her to my place since I had no idea where she was staying. Another sound of distress and I was on my feet running toward the bedroom.

She was trashing on the bed in the grips of a nightmare.

"Wake up, Sanem," I whispered urgently. I picked her up and sat on the bed cradling her trembling body in my arms. "It's just a dream," I kissed her face and rubbed the tears from her cheeks. She finally opened her eyes and looked up at me.

"What are you doing here?" She said groggily.

"You passed out in the courtyard and I brought you to my place since I didn't know where you lived. I'd like to think you were overwhelmed by my good looks and charm but it was probably the wine." I quipped.

"Oh, that's embarrassing," she tried to pull the covers over her head.

I pulled them back off.

"Don't hide your face from me, love. I went through a year of not being able to see it. I don't want to add one more minute to that particular nightmare," I sighed.

"Do you want to talk about your dream?"

She shook her head. "I should go."

My arms tightened around her. "It's the middle of the night. Stay, please. I'll give you something to change into and get out of your way."

"Tamam."

I came back to check on her a few minutes later. She was sitting on the bed wearing my shirt and shorts and I almost turned around and left. God. This woman would be the death of me.

"I don't think I can sleep now," she said unaware of my inner turmoil. She had always been oblivious to the physical effect she had on me.

"Me either. Do you want company?"

She nodded and made room for me in the bed. I sat next to her.

"Can I hold you?" I asked and she surprised me by nodding her consent.

I gathered her into my arms and sighed with relief. Her cheek was resting on my chest and one of her hands was drawing distracting patterns on my shirt.

After a few moments, she spoke again.

"Can, I'm afraid I might be giving you the wrong impression. I know I'm sending a lot of mixed signals. But," she took a deep breath. "I don't know if I can trust you again. To open my heart to you again..."

"Would be very hard, I understand." I nodded and tried to look as if I wasn't being shredded to ribbons by her words.

"I would like to always be your friend. Can we stay friends?"

"Friends. I'd like that." I'd like so much more but I'd take whatever crumbs she was willing to give me and gladly.

"I don't think friends cuddle like this," she murmured.

"Absolutely they do," I said straight-faced.

"Hmmm. Did you ever cuddle with Metin or Akif?"

"No, but they don't smell as good as you do."

She giggled.

My heart was near to bursting and so were parts further south. Friends definitely didn't get hard-ons for each other. I tried to think of anything other than the way she looks in my shirt.

"I don't want to lead you on," she said into the darkness. "I'm not ready to go past friendship and I'm not sure if I ever will be."

"It's okay. I know. I won't ever push you for more than you're ready to give me. But I wish you'd give me a chance to explain. You hardly look me in the eye."

She was quiet for a long moment before she raised her head and looked at me. Her eyes burning with feeling. "Because I yearn for you, looking at you. Because all my self-control breaks into pieces."

"Sanem..."

"I want to stand like a rock in front of you. Or fly away from you like a bird. If I can't be a bird I want to turn into stone. I want to forget now. To start over. To open a brand new page full of happiness."

"But I can't do that with you here."