Crying Season

17.

new place. Same thing.

It was dark.

And there was a slight beeping sound coming from somewhere.

It was also very cold.

I heard a door open but I couldn't smell anyone. But then I heard my father yelling.

I couldn't make out what he was saying.

I tried to open my eyes but it felt like someone had poured cement into them.

A sliver of light was the first thing that I saw and then it grew and grew and grew until everything was a blurry mess.

I blinked a couple of times trying to clear my vision but it wasn't leaving.

I started to panic and looked around. I could feel my toes twitch and then my feet started to twist against the restraints.

And then my hand balled into a fist and I struggled.

The last thing to come was my voice.

At first it was just a hum at the back of my throat. Then it was a low wine until it reached a much louder cry for help.

The two standing to the side of me finally realized I was awake and came running to calm me down.

My father pressed a hand to my chest to keep me from rising and I let out a scream because his hand landed too close to my mangled arm.

I felt him hesitate and then readjust his hand and then I heard the doctor, I presumed, bark out Oder.

As I pushed against the two, what felt like an hour, I felt grab and held down my good arm and then what felt like a needle passing through my skin.

It burned where they had injected me with something and I could feel myself becoming more drowsy but I fought through it.  Only to have them inject me once more and I was falling head first into darkness.

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I could feel myself regain consciousness, but this time I refused to open my eyes and instead I just listened.

This time I could make out a lot more words then the last panic inducing awakening.

I heard my mother talking this time and she said "we never meant for this to happen sweetheart. You know how your father gets when he's angry. You should have just submitted to him and listened and maybe you wouldn't be here."

I wanted to tell her to get her head out of her ass because I clearly was not in the fault here, but something in me said that she was right. That it was my fault that I loved Laura. And that it was my fault that I was in this position.

Then I heard my brother speak.

"But mom, how did this happen?"

He had no clue.

My anxiety sky rocketed as my mother hesitated.

"Well... your sister and your dad got into a fight over some stupid little thing and then it escalated, and your sister wouldn't back down. So she had it coming."

"But mom, Nancy never challenges dad, or you, or even me. So why?"

"I don't know dear, you'd have to ask you're dad."

I was seething. The women who bore me had just completely lied to my brother and had made it seem like they hadn't ruined me.  And that I was in the wrong for wanting to live and do what I want and love who I want without hurting others.

This changed everything. I had an inkling if doubt before that I was holding onto that maybe they really were doing what was best for me but now I know for sure that they want only what benefits them.