Crying Season

22.

Happiness? Not yet.

I was cuddled up to Laura when woke up. Like the last time I was curled up on top of her and she was loosely holding me.

I vividly remember what happened last night, and it gave me mild second hand embarrassment just remembering what happened. I wish I could go back and continue but I just got to overwhelmed when Laura touched my shoulder and everything came rushing back to me.

I rolled over and got up to go to the bathroom. I looked into the mirror and I saw the dark circles under my eyes. My hair was disheveled and my clothes were crumpled. I looked away and tried to ignore my reflection as I brushed my teeth.

"Hey." I turned around seeing Laura standing in the doorframe yawning. I turned back around still tired but not before knocking something over. I reached out with my missing arm and for a few seconds I let it set in that I'll never be able to use it again like I used too. I could feel tears brimming at the back of my eyes.

Laura walked over to grab my hand and caress my cheek. "Hey, hey, look at me." Laura said trying to grab my attention away from the object I knocked over.

"We'll get past this. We can figure it out together." She said lightly hugging me. I didn't hug her back and kept looking forward. We stood there for what felt like hours, unmoving and silent.

I just barely realized when Laura moved and when we made eye contact again she looked at me concerned.
"Do you want to get breakfast?" Laura asked.

"Yeah. Yeah let's do that." I said looking down.

I realized my toothbrush was still in my hand and I turned to wash off my toothbrush. Once done I put it back in the holder and filled a little cup next to the sink with water and swished some around my mouth.

I finished and turned only to find Laura gone but I could still sense her in the apartment. I started to go down towards the kitchen.

I saw her at the stove so I sat at the kitchen bar as she finished. She walked around the bar to put the food in front of me and kiss my temple.

"Thanks." I said as I looked at the food. I got up and grabbed a fork from the utensil drawer and walked back. I ate it thoughtlessly and Laura brought her plate over and ate with me.

"How do you feel?" Laura grasper my hand once she was done eating.

"I'm fine." I said putting on a fake smile. Laura wasn't convinced and she squeezed my hand.

"I'll be here for you when you're ready but please just talk to me." My smile faded and all I said was "okay, I will, but not yet."

"Alright, I love you." Laura said as she got up, kissed the top of my head, and sat on the couch and turned on the tv.

"Yeah." I said looking off in a random direction, still sitting at the kitchen bar.