MIDNIGHT BLUE // gawsten

2.0

geoff didn't know what the hell to do.  the thing was that he wasn't angry, he wasn't even really upset.  he felt like he was twenty-one again and it wasn't something he expected.  it was exactly the same as way back when the second time awsten constantine knight tried to kill himself and geoff knew he had no choice but to fess up everything.  he knew that if he didn't say something things would just stay the same and he thought it would help but all it did was hurt both of them more than they were already hurting.

now here he is again on the drive home, trying desperately to figure out a way to gather his thoughts so he doesnt take the wheel and send himself straight into a ditch.  a crazy ex-boyfriend stalking everyone in an attempt to ruin awsten's life just for a little fun was exactly what everyone needed apparently.  you'd think people like that would just move on to their next victim, but even then leaving the dude to walk free is a shitty thing to do.  geoff thought he was going to lose his mind on this drive home, and just fifteen minutes was far too short for his whole brain to come back together.

the things he saw caught him off guard to say the least.  that aching feeling that he could've done something kept nagging at him and he knows damn well he still doesn't know the full story.  it didn't change the fact that seeing the man he loved in that state was terrifying. its like when you're really young and you see your first pet die, all the things you thought you knew fading away so quick it was like it never even happened. 

the robotic feeling looming over geoff didn't leave as he shoved his key into the lock, walking through the door.  he knew damn sure he wasn't being followed, but he still felt the fear biting at him.  it was then that he realized he didn't even hear awsten.  it was something comforting to come home to when hes shuffling around, doing his best to spend the time.  if you come in at the right time you can hear him playing guitar and singing loud enough that he cant hear anyone come in, but he'll slowly get quieter and scratch at the back of his head in embarrassment when you'd finally see him.

the embarrassment was what caught geoff off guard the most.  when they were together in the beginning, even though awsten was still anxiety ridden with unresolved trauma, he fucking adored the attention.  now,  it was like his entire personality was shattered and he still can't find the pieces to build himself back up.

it was at this point that the panic set in. maybe he realized he was being an idiot for not responding to awsten, maybe it was just that the younger of the two clearly wasn't there or was hiding really damn good, or just the whole unsettling atmosphere, but it was awful either way. geoff didn't even bother taking his shoes off as he looked around the apartment, checking his phone ever so often in the hopes awsten would say anything.

and there he was, curled up in the empty bathtub, sitting there staring at the wall like the world was ending and he knew there was nothing he could do about it. as quickly as everything clicked, it shattered.  his sweater was thrown across the floor, as he sat with just those stupid skinny jeans, bruises and scars, some old and some definitely newer than others.  it was sick.  there was nothing romantic when the two boys met eyes, there was just fear and the realization that things definitely weren't okay.

geoff was terrified. he was sad and didn't know what to do because everything was so screwed up that it didn't even feel real. awsten, on the other hand, was completely numb.  it was like he was a robot how still and calm he was, it was almost like he didn't even care even though it was obvious he did.

"can i sit with you?" geoff asked, his hands shaking more than he'd like to admit.  his head was pounding from all the times he tried not to cry, and at this point no tears would even come. it was just him and that stupid fucking headache.

all awsten did was nod in reply.  the silence was sickening and awkward, but neither of the two could think of anything to say.  maybe it was the situation that was doing this, or maybe it was everything. the fact that they never really caught up from that year apart, and that it was just like they were seventeen and twenty-one again, but things were worse. things just kept getting worse and worse as times went on and nothing about it was good.