Ambivalent • DazaixReaderxChūya

20. Someone to Heal

You didn't get a chance to react, you didn't even get a moment to look up and read Dazai's face, because the moment the words rolled off of Kunikida's tongue, you felt a shock run deep in your core. Your heart skipped a beat, your breath hitched, your body temperature going from cold to hot and vice versa, in seconds. Your headache couldn't take your head spinning, and you let go of Dazai, doubling over in a violent cough. You weren't sure if it was the shock that brought on the sudden change in temperature or if it was your sickness pulling through at the worst moments, but whatever it was you found yourself in your knees, trying to suppress the coughing, trying to take back your breathing.

Dazai crouches down next to you out of concern, placing a hand to keep you from falling over, his hand flinching as he feels your temperature.

"You're freezing..." He states, then looks up towards Yosano and Atsushi. "What happened to her? Why is she like this?"

Yosano pushes past Dazai and feels you herself, ignoring you coughing and shaking as she talks to herself, like she was figuring out a step by step puzzle.

"You said you've over exerted yourself, but you didn't use your ability for a long period of time when we caught you and you already looked sick. To even consider helping I need to know what has happened." Yosano tells you confidently, ignoring Kunikida's warning of the offer to help. Atsushi's eyes widen as it all clicks in his head.

"Annabel Lee. She said she needed control...Dazai, she can't stop the affects on herself." He says a bit panicked, and Yosano sighs in frustration. Dazai's eyes are shadowed by his dark hair overtop, his body still. It was like a dark memory had resurfaced, and it wasn't one to share. You feel his slender hand take yours and squeeze it, and at the mere touch you feel yourself breaking down.

I said I hate him, I said I was leaving. I harmed one of their members. There can't be any way what Kunikida had said is true. Not anymore. But then...why does he insist? Why is Dazai so forgiving and quick to help me? Is it all pity? Does any of this matter? Will they leave me alone?

"I've been training myself at the Port Mafia for a while....to use my ability to the greatest extent...I thought it was under control...I thought I had trained my body to withstand the cold I'm overcome with..." You finally speak up, with every breath taken trying to explain your situation. You feel your heart squeezing as you remember each and every training session, especially after you joined the Black Lizard.

I thought I found my place. I thought I was satisfied. I got too greedy, too desperate to impress. Now I'll die alone...

"I was wrong. She wasn't meant for killing. I abused it..." you feel yourself start to cry, an absolute sadness falling on you like it had been repressed for too long. You never truly had gained anything from accepting Mori's forced invite into the mafia. The environment had turned toxic for you, and you always knew it, yet still you insisted.

How could I have been so stupid?

"You aren't going to die." Dazai suddenly says as if he could read your thoughts, his words low, reassuring, a softness meant for just you to hear.

You look at him, and your [e/c] eyes glimmering with tears of emotional and physical pain meet his light brown eyes, and reflecting in them an uncertainty you couldn't hear. He reaches up and wipes away your tears, his hand straying and pulling back your damp hair from the rain outside. That's when Yosano snapped her fingers and her face lit up in triumph.

"Hypothermia. Your body has an unnatural withstanding of the cold, but it's been dealing with it for too long...you're body wants to shut down. What you've done to yourself...it's not normal. You've passed out recently right? They tried to warm you up but you're getting secondary symptoms....and now by using your ability more, you're in a sense, killing yourself." Yosano explains, standing up straight and speaking for the whole agency to hear, her seriousness not going above her constant elegance as she concludes on what's happening.