Ambivalent • DazaixReaderxChūya

25. Shameless // Questions

Shameless (Chūya Ending Part 3/4)

It took you around 2 weeks to fully be able to walk without wincing every time you stepped off your bed. In those 2 weeks, you had only seen Chūya twice. Once, was when he had stopped by your room when your stitches at your stomach re-opened and caused a commotion around the infirmary. He hadn't stopped by for long, just a simple glance in your room with unreadable mixed emotions on his face. The second time, was accidental. He just happened to be walking by and caught your attention, the both of you meeting each other's eyes for no longer than a second.
Other than Chūya, the only other person that stopped by was Kouyou. You found it odd, since the executive had never payed much attention to you before. Later, you had found out that they had given her the responsibility of watching you, since they needed an executive to keep you under control and the previous one had...declined.

After you were finally led out, you weren't given any responsibilities or any missions. The opportunity of being in the Black Lizard had been taken away, and you weren't allowed out of the building without supervision. Every time you made a face about the rules, Kouyou would see you and give you a lecture on your potential and ability, and that you should be grateful you were given so many chances. In truth, she was right. But you hated being in the Port Mafia more every day you were left alone for hours in the dark of your room. In part, you thought it was your fault, especially Chūya not wanting anything to do with you for the simple good reason that you hurt him. The latter, you were sure of.

For someone that meant comfort, and being the reason I survived here for so long...I've never valued it as much as I should have.

He was right, I never gave him a real chance.

Still, being back now, all you wanted now was for Chūya to talk to you again...to hold you like he had before...

You wanted to apologize.

I never forgot about you, Chūya.

You were always there, at the back of my mind. I never didn't care about leaving without explaining to you.

That alone, was one of my biggest regrets.

In your thoughts, as the hours went on, you roamed around the room that was so familiar to you. Nothing had changed, but what surprised you was that the necklace Chūya had brought in for you was still in its same place on the counter. It glittered in the dim light, collecting dust for weeks. Almost shyly, you pick it up, the memory of your first weeks with the Port Mafia was distant, but it still sent a nostalgia through you of times when you thought it wouldn't get more complicated. More than that, it reminded you of when you didn't know that the Port Mafia executive would have such an effect on you.

Glancing at yourself in the mirror, you put the necklace on, touching it gently as it lay coolly against your chest. You then drop your gaze as you look at the rest of you, frowning a bit at your appearance. Under your maroon nightdress, the scars from your wounds were extremely visible, and you wished they weren't a constant reminder of the flaws in all your actions leading up to the present. Sighing with exasperation, you take your long black trench coat and put it over your nightdress, closing it up as you leave your room to walk around the halls, something you did often other than drink, to avoid the nightmares and haunting memories of what could have been that constantly took over your sleep.

Walking around, you let your feet guide you, your hand trailing lightly against the walls, humming to yourself. The late evening was calm, the floor you always roamed was seldom busy, and with the lights illuminating the surroundings just enough for the mafia elegance to shine through. Your favourite part, however, was when the walls turned to glass windows and the whole city side could be viewed. It was breathtaking in the sun, but as night time creeped in, the thousands of little lights lighting up the city like stars made it that much more beautiful. Taking it all in, you don't notice someone walking up and standing next to you, staring out the window as well in silence, until you turned to head back to your room only to walk into them.