Ambivalent • DazaixReaderxChūya

22. Under a Cloak of Darkness

"Incase it wasn't clear enough, I care about you..."

"...You think it's you against everyone else..."

"Even when I think you're impossible, I always want more from you."

Words that only belong to him...

The colour of his blue-grey eyes dance around in your dreams, auburn hair wild in the wind...

His strong arms that have held me when I've fallen...

Who's him?

It's not Dazai...no, even thinking that name brings me guilt right now.

Him...

I left him behind without saying anything...

Did I forget him so quickly?

One desperate night away and suddenly not even his name means anything to me?

No...

Because he's not the one that's caused me pain...it's not his fault if I never spoke up...

He means something to me, even if he can't help me now...

Him...

He came back for me once...and I was proud to say his name...

What was it?

I remember the kisses. The sweetness of those moments, the comfort of his heat...

Oh...

Of course I know his name.

But will I get to say it again?

Will I ever deserve to?

I'm sorry...

-❦-

You wake up to the sound of Yosano moving around medical utensils in a hurry, a determination electrifying in the way she worked around the clinic area you were in. Still a little disoriented from the echoes of your dreams, you sit quietly watching her, your IV still intact, your room looking untouched despite the visit from Dazai last night. The memory of the young man next to you wakes up all your senses, a blush on your face as you remember the words he had whispered. Sensing your sudden agitated state, Yosano turns her head to you, sending your way a curt smile.

"Good morning." She greets you, but the way she pauses with an anticipation left in the air leads you to believe that that was not the only thing she meant to tell you.

"What's wrong?" You ask, curious as to why her atmosphere changed the moment she saw you. You knew she didn't like you, but it was different than her usual confidence and indifference, it had hesitation and the previous determination had faltered.

Yosano glances at you again as she moves on from her tools to checking your medical chart.

"Dazai is so fond of you. He kept making jokes this morning about it to hide how he's feeling, but everyone knows it's never mattered this much to him what happens to a woman..." Yosano starts, and you're surprised by what she says. She continues, and you can't help but flinch at her next words  "and you're going to hurt him one way or another. You've done nothing but betray the ones around you since this has started. Still, I'm the one that's going to keep you alive. For Dazai."