I want to talk to people
I want to reach out and have a conversation
And sometimes
I do
I talk
I listen
I try to laugh and smile in the right places
But
I still feel...
Alone
I keep trying to convince myself that I'm not
That I don't just reach out to people because I want attention
That I do have friends that actually care about me
Friends love and care about me
But there's always that voice..
You're alone
That voice that says they don't mean it
You're alone
That they don't care
You're alone
That they're only talking to me out of pity
You're alone
That they don't even want to hang around you
You're alone
Because I'm boring
Because I talk too loud
Or I laugh to loud
Or smile too weirdly
Or too much
So I distance myself
To give people space
To give them a break from me
But when I do...
That voice gets so much louder
You're alone
I try not to listen
You're alone
I try not to let it control what I do
You're alone
And I try not to let it win
You're alone
But it's useless
Because
I am alone
And I don't want to be
I want someone to check up on me without me texting them first
I want to wake up and have a text or voicemail asking if I'm ok
I want someone to be there for me
I want someone to tell me it's
ok
I want someone to hold me and say, we'll get through this
I want someone to say that I'm not alone...
That suicide is not the answer...
I want to reach out to my family with how I feel
But every time I try...
Something more important comes up
And it's never the right time
My mom is trying to set things up for her and my step dad to be married by the church
My older sister is going through stuff at work
My older brother is having trouble with girls
My younger brother is lacking motivation and doesn't want to do anything- and I try to help him...
But all he wants to do is play video games
My little sister is getting bullied by our step sister and her friends at school
She used to love going to school
She used to love learning
She used to look forward to going every day
In fact, she didn't even want to come home
Now...
Now... she doesn't want to go to school
Now, she doesn't even want to make friends because of all the rumors that the step sister spreads about her
She wants to be home schooled
And I want to beat the shit out of our step dads daughter
Because she caused my sister to lose her motivation
She's starting to act different and I know that, that isn't my sister..
And compared to all of their problems...
Mine feel insignificant
You're alone
So I keep trying to be the glue that holds the family together
You're alone
I keep trying to be the one that my siblings can talk to
You're alone
I keep trying to put a smile on my face
You're alone
I keep trying to solve all their problems
I keep trying...
I keep trying when all I want to do is cry..
When all I want to do is give up
When all I want to do is scream
When all I want to do is yell
When all I want to do is tell someone that need help
Plead with them, to pay the least bit of attention to me
To see that...
That I'm not ok
That I'm hurting
That I can't do this anymore
That I keep hearing a voice...
A voice that convinces me that no one cares...
A voice that convinces me that....
I'm alone
That no one can help me...
I'm alone
That no one will listen....
I'm alone
That no one loves me...
I'm alone
That....
That I'm alone
