A Mentor's Struggle

Chapter 10

I still had to record my expired herbs and if at all possible, research more of my sickness though there seemed to be very few records of it. I walked along the shelves and pulled out any leaves or ingredients that were rotted or wilted and laid them neatly in piles around my table.

I sighed and opened a book filled with blank paper and began to write swiftly, determined to finish quickly. It turned out I almost had to restock my entire stock, and the idea of an apprentice became more and more tantalizing as the night heavily drifted by.

When the moon was at its highest, I finally completed my list and rushed to the ancient archives of the castle to look through scrolls of any mention of illnesses with similarities.

After hours upon hours of endless and relentless searching and browsing, I came across a scroll. It didn't have a title, or the name of the illness, but it began listing off symptoms. Coughing blood, extreme weight loss, bleeding and bruising, fever, chills, persistent infections, extreme fatigue, swollen lymph nodes, recurrent bleeding from the nose, excessive sweating, enlarged spleen, and bone pain and tenderness.

I felt lightheaded just thinking about all the pain I would be experiencing, until I read the tiny, barely noticeable sentence fragment at the bottom of the dooming scroll. Time of expected death, approximately one year and five months.

One year. I had one, bloody year to live, to take on an apprentice. How on earth could I manage to teach a young child everything I knew everything that had taken me years to learn? I groaned in annoyance.

I would not leave my home, my kingdom, to die of disease or illness. It was up to me. I stacked each of the useful books I found neatly in a pile and struggled a moment to two as I hefted them in the air and staggered only momentarily as I began to walk.

Just as I was out of the library archive, I bumped into someone and thumped loudly to the floor, my books flying across the hall. I groaned as a throbbing pain erupted like a volcano in my head, spreading everywhere at once.

"Ow!" I hissed as I bent to collect the books I dropped. I heard a familiar laugh as I bent over and I heard another muffled giggle. I looked behind me to see Lief and Thespia laughing as I crawled around on the floor idiotically.

I shot them both a cold glare and Lief rolled his eyes before sharing a mischievous look with Thespia and then elbowed her in the ribs as they both bent down to assist me. I was determined to take the books from them and quickly leave, but they had other plans.

Thespia and Lief both carried some of my books and escorted me all the way back to my room and laid them on the table where I directed them. I was only too grateful they didn't look through the books.

Thespia kisses me gently on the cheek and whispered goodnight to me before moving to stand in front of Lief. She grinned coyly and wrapped her arms around his neck. I saw him gaze into her eyes with nothing but adoration.

She leaned on the tips of her toes and kissed him softly before running her hand across his cheek and disappeared out of the door. I smirked as he stared at her in awe.

"You are nothing short of besotted." I chided.

He turned slowly to look at me and I saw his cheeks flushed brightly, a moonstruck look in his faraway gaze. The tips of his years were bright pink and he looked absolutely entranced as she walked away, his gaze never left her.

"Never have you been more right," Leif responded with a mumble.

"Is there a reason you're still here?" I inquired.

"Yes, actually. I was wondering if you would be interested in a walk with me."

I nodded and laid my last book down and he walked out the door with me following. We continued in silence until we reached a small pond outside the north tower. We sat on a fallen tree that managed to hold both our weight.

Lief gazes absently into the water and occasionally glanced at the starry sky.

"Ben, I need to asked you a large favor. I've already consulted your father."

I lifted an eyebrow but gestured for him to continue.

"I need your blessing to take Thespia's hand in marriage."

I smiled fondly at him, he seemed a nervous wreck as if he was truly terrified I might deny him his wish.

"You truly love her, don't you?"

"I love her more than life itself." He responded without hesitation.

"Then Lief, be good to her. I've only known her for a week, but I know she's as  innocent as the white dove."

Lief smiles widely and looked into my gaze with sincere gratitude.

"Ben, you don't understand how long I've yearned to hear those words."

I nodded and laid back on the tree placing one hand on my chest and the other in the icy pond water as I gazed into its depths. Lief stated at me absently and then gazed towards the night sky.

"There's something you aren't telling me, isn't there?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Because there is. You can't fool me like the others, Ben. I know you better than I know myself."

I silently smirked, imagining all the things I've yet to tell him.

"Lief, somethings involving me are better left in the dark. Not all knowledge is beneficial."

"Do you take me for a fool? I saw the books you had collected and as far as I'm concerned no patients of your suffer from such sicknesses. Something is wrong with you, and as your friend it's my duty to be there for you."

"Why? What value is placed upon me to concern someone as high as a king?"

I his face briefly contort in pain, as if I had thrust a dagger through his abdomen. He was barely visible in the pale lighting but I didn't have to see him to know the look on his face.

"Ben, You know very well status has no room in my court. The only thing I expect is respect."

"Are those not the same thing?" I replied icily.

"Don't you get it, you stubborn physician! I care about you! Your title, status, class, I don't care! If you think I am going to watch you suffer in silence, you, my companion, are greatly mistaken."

"What are you gonna do? Search my chambers? Investigate my patients?"

"It doesn't have to be that way but if need be you couldn't stop me."

I snorted in response but said nothing. Finally, I looked at him sincerely.

"I'm dying." Was all I whispered.

His face lit with surprise but then fury.

"You didn't think to tell me!"

"Not recently, no. But I couldn't have you messing up my chambers. I just had them cleaned."

"This isn't a humorous occasion, Ben." He whispered softly.

"How long?"

"Til what?"

"Until you.... are gone." He choked.

"I have a little over a year, maybe two if I don't strain myself and remain in my healthy habits."

He nodded thoughtfully and for the first time since I told him, he looked at me. Tears stained his cheek and his eyes were so misty it was hard to identify their true origins.

He enveloped me tightly in a strong embrace and began to sob, loud, racking tears. I simply coaxed him and wiped his face with the sleeve of my tunic. He looked up at me weakly after several moments. I felt numb, like I had only made a situation worse to its maximum.

"Are you not scared? Frightened?"

"No, Lief. I do not fear death for I trust God wholeheartedly. Each and every person will have their time, what makes mine any different?"

"Don't you fear the pain? The journey to the next world?"

"I'm a physician. Countless lives I've witnessed leave without struggle. I do not fear the end."

This simply made him weep even harder.