BTS Hurt/Comfort One-shots

Someone and the Sky (Namjoon) - Hurt

This is a request for @GuadalupeMorales479

As always, if there are any stories you'd like to see written, you can request them :)

Enjoy xx

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It didn't start out big. Namjoon would swear on it. Honestly, by the time he even realized what was happening, it was too late. It started as a few times here and there where he would feel upset about something to an unreasonable extent. He just figured the stress must be getting to him, so he started going to bed earlier. Sleep fixes all. 

Or maybe not. Because within a few weeks, it started getting worse. He was having a hard time focusing on things that normally stimulated him; dance practice was hell to say the least. He never had much of an appetite and his sleep schedule was shot. The funny thing was that he'd always talked openly with his members about depression. They discussed warning signs and when to call for help. 

Hell, Yoongi had shared his personal experience with mental illness to help the members understand it. Namjoon knew what it was. He knew, yet he was so reluctant to accept it. He thought he could power through it. 

Think about things rationally, Namjoon. Push the emotions aside. Do your job.

That's all he ever had to do and he was determined to do it until he burned out. He was the leader. That meant manning up and leading people. 

Man up, Namjoon. You've got six other boys to keep safe and happy. Man up. 

He was good at thinking. He was so smart. He was able to think through everything and maybe that was the problem. He began overthinking everything. No one seemed to notice though. And he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not because on the surface, he hid all of his feelings of negativity as far away as he could, but deep down, he wished someone would see that he needed them. He didn't really even know what he needed, but he knew he needed someone.

He found himself crying through guilt in lonely washrooms after performances. He was so sorry to the fans. He felt so bad all the time. There were instances where he found himself writing "And I just have the overwhelming feeling that I need to hate myself right now" and "I'm so tired I could die" mixed with, once, a "I just can't be here anymore. I wish nobody cared because then I would leave. I wish I wasn't a singer because then I would just fucking cut my wrists. I'd slit them. I'd make them into neat red lines. Hundreds of them. Everywhere. I'd decorate myself like a painting. I wish no one cared. If no one cared, I could just leave without a trace. Please. Let me leave." That one scared him a bit. He was scared of what would happen if he kept getting worse: if he continued to think like that. 

There was one time when he took Taehyung out to the market. His dongsaeng was always so vocal about loving little knick knacks and market food, so Namjoon decided to treat the second maknae. His members were amazing and he always got more joy being nice to them than he did attempting to be nice to himself. And Taehyung was so happy. 

He bounced around from stall to stall exclaiming, "Look at this, hyung! Look at this! Isn't this cool?"

Namjoon nodded, but mostly agreed to feed his dongsaengs joyous waves. Namjoon was pretty happy as well. He often felt bogged down by sadness, but flanked by a solely happy dongsaeng, he felt free. And happy. 

It wasn't until Namjoon spotted a Ryan mug that he stopped. 

"What is it, Namjoon-hyung?" Taehyung asked.