Dead Name

Chapter Two: Can You Believe This False Hope?

Paranoia's P.O.V

I didn't get a good night's sleep. It was restless, filled with half-nightmarish thoughts that I couldn't quite grasp. 

It didn't know what time it was when I woke up. I had no clock or window in my room, so I went by the lack of movement in the house that it was too early for anyone else to be up. Was I allowed out of my room? Surely I was.

Ignoring the warnings in my head, I grabbed clothes from the closet (although I suppose it looked exactly like my previous outfit) and crept quickly into the hallway. I heard snoring and frequent sleepy shouts coming from what I assumed was Remus's room, and dead silence from the room I guessed was Deceit's.

I made my way down the stairs, flinching at every little creak and shift of the floorboards, waiting for someone to wake up and start screaming. 

Once I hit the first floor, I took a moment to look around the Darkscape. It was. . . depressing. I gazed into the kitchen, where I assumed someone would make breakfast later, and noticed a window into a 'backyard' of sorts. The sky was a soft sort of darkness - cluing me in that it was the early hours of the morning. Maybe two? Three?

Rain was pattering softly against the glass and something inside of me urged my feet towards the door. I listened, nervous about leaving of my own free will for some reason, but desperate to feel the rain.

The door creaked and I winced, closing it as quietly as possible and throwing my hoodie on a dry patch of land, trailing out into the open. The sky's water thudded lightly against my skin and I felt my lips pull upwards into a smile, closing my eyes.

I didn't know what it was, but I felt serene in that moment. The faint smell of the rain, the droplets against my skin, and the sounds all flooded my senses - not in a bad way. More like they were gently easing the spiking thoughts down, soothing them and tucking them away so I could breathe.

I loved it.

Maybe it really wouldn't be that bad with Deceit and Remus. Sure, Deceit could be ill-tempered and Remus was a bit unhinged, but no one was perfect, right? I mean, my head was filled with paranoid thoughts I couldn't control.

I relished in the silence in my head. Since I had formed, it had been loud and frightening, but maybe it was getting better. Maybe -

"Paranoia!"

Someone seized the back of my shirt and I yelped, all of my suppressed thoughts bursting from the comforting confines of the rain and beating against my head.

'Now you're in for it! You've done something wrong!'

'What if he's going to kick you out? What if he locks you up?!'

Deceit glared into my eyes and I flinched, bring my gaze to the ground. "Who gave you permission to come outside?" His voice was low and flat, throwing me off. Had he not been furious just a moment ago?

I realized he was waiting for an answer. "Uh, n-no one. . ?"

"So you took it upon yourself to leave asking," he hummed. "Let me guess - you were intending to come back inside sopping wet and make a mess."

The water was starting to seep through the fabric of my clothes and down into my very being, cold and heavy. "I - I didn't think - "

"Of course you didn't!" His tone lurched upwards again, sharp and loud. "Perhaps I didn't make myself clear when I graciously invited you into our home." His fingers gripped the collar of my shirt and jerked upwards, startling me into locking eyes with him. I hated the unsympathetic ice that stared back at me. "You will listen to me and do as I say. If I am unavailable, you take your orders from Remus. You do nothing without permission and you are forbidden from leaving the main area! Not to come outside, not to wander the halls, and especially not to engage with the Light Sides, because I promise you," the threatening glow of his eye brightened, "they will not treat you with hospitality. They will treat you like the monster you are - a Dark Side." He released his hold and I hit the ground with a faint noise of pain. 

"Y-Yes. . . I understand, D-Deceit. . ." I figured that's what he wanted to hear.

He nodded, but didn't otherwise acknowledge that I had spoken. "Get back inside. You've missed breakfast." He snapped his fingers and I nearly collapsed, as if the water that immediately dispersed from my form had cemented for a split-second before it was gone.

When I pulled myself up, he had already gone back inside. I grabbed my hoodie and trudged inside

'What if I break the rules by accident? What if the Light Sides decide to come wipe us out for good if they hate us so much? What if - ?!'

"Paranoia! Close the door!"

I did so. I had clearly pissed Deceit off and I didn't want to make it worse. I trailed to the kitchen, where empty dishes that I assumed had previously held breakfast were scattered across the counter. Remus was using several of them as drums, ignoring the small pieces of egg that he was flinging around, grinning at an annoyed Deceit.

"Paranoia!" Remus screeched in a decibel that was very off-putting. "You missed breakfast, stupid! But you're just in time for clean up!" He grabbed a bowl and bounded over, setting it on top of my head like a hat and skipping off, blowing me a kiss.

Deceit rolled his eyes. "We'll explain your duties to you once the kitchen is cleaned up." He started out. "Try to be done before lunch."

Then I was alone, with a kitchen in disarray and a mind in a similar state. Not wanting to cause trouble, I began to run a sink of hot, soapy water, and filled it with dirty dishes - including the one on my head.

There was a jolt down my spine just before I felt someone leaning over my shoulder. "Imagine. . . drinking the dish soap. . ."

I flinched. Remus. I didn't like that thought. "Why would you? W-What if it's toxic? What if it kills you like a poison?"

I saw him move and I could see him frown from the corner of my eye. His eyes narrowed. "I hope you don't plan on being a Debby Dahmer forever."

"Do. . . um, do you mean Debby Downer?"

He thought. "Oh, I guess I do!" He laughed, a complete one-eighty from just a few seconds ago. "Silly me - Jeffery Dahmer on the brain again! Enjoy your scrubbing, Paranoia!" And he was gone.

'He was upset with me. What if he's going to Deceit to convince him to throw me out? What if I messed up already? I thought Remus would be the one person I wouldn't irritate!'

I worked faster, desperate to silence the 'what if's ringing in my ears. My hope of this being a good thing was diminishing, but I held fast.

Maybe it would still be okay.