Music & Monsters [Camp NaNo July]

16

Casey’s POV

        When I got home, I plopped myself on my bed, not crying, not moving. I just felt too useless, unwanted to do anything. 

        “See? What did we tell you? Nobody wants to be friends with you.” 

        Oh god, the voices were starting. Immediately I fumbled around my nightstand looking for my pills. 

        “Just look at what happened you pathetic mess. Not even your so called ‘friends’ want to tell you anything.” 

        “It’s just sad that you put so much faith and trust in them  only to end up with no one.” 

        Fuck, where’s that orange pill bottle? I thought frantically, trying to block out the voices while digging through my drawers. My fingers groped around for a cylinder type thing and I found it on the edge of my night stand. Giving a relieved sigh, I went to grab it when I accidentally knocked it over. 

        “Clearly you aren’t even worthy of being in their presence for you to be left out of all of this.”

        “Yeah, I guess great minds do think alike – we all think you’re too weak and pathetic.”

        All the little pills fell onto my carpet, and I rolled off my bed, hurrying to gather them up and stuff them back into the bottle. 

        “Not even the one you love wants to talk to you.”

        “How sad.” 

        “Shut up!” I screamed. “Shut up, all of you! I don’t love him and I don’t need any of them. I don’t need you to tell me that either!” I yelled at the top of my lungs, completely forgetting about taking my pill. Curling up into a feeble position on the space next to my bed, I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my ears. 

        “Ha, just look at you. You’re just further proving us right.”

        “Stop being a pitiful little bitch and get up. 

        “You’re making me embarrassed for you.” 

        “Go away! Just leave me alone!” I yelled at them, hating this, hating myself. “Why? Why do I have to be like this? Why am I on the verge of breaking down every goddamn second?” I sobbed, before I felt muffled footsteps on the carpet. 

        “Oh my god, Casey!” I felt a hand on my shoulder and recognized the tone of my mother. “Casey are you alright? Are you hearing them right now?”

        I nodded, hating the fact that the voices were referred to as a ‘them’. I hated that they actually existed, that I had to suffer from this. 

        “Here honey, let me get you some water I’ll be right back in a second.” Hurried foosteps left the room and I was alone once again. With them.

        “Oh look, the little baby has to have her mommy do everything for her.”

        “Grow a pair and do it yourself.”

        “Stop crying you little wimp.”

        “Sit up and take your pill,” my mom ordered softly, helping me into a sitting position. I took the pill from her hand, chasing it down with some water. 

        I honestly felt drained, this always happened after the voices speak to me, and it was worse now because of what had happened earlier. 

        Climbing back into my bed, I snuggled under the covers while my mom stroked my hair. It was soothing and she knew it helped calm me down. The voices were already quieting, before they disappeared for now. 

        “Are you okay now?” she asked after a while, and I gave her a nod. 

        “Yeah Mom, thanks.” 

        “Of course Casey.” She gave me a smile before leaving, and I just went further down into the puffiness that was my blanket. 

        Yet to my surprise, I couldn’t fall asleep. No matter how long my eyes stayed closed or my body was still, my mind refused to shut up. It just kept echoing the words, his words. 

        “I’m really sorry Casey, but it’s just… better.” 

        “Why? Why couldn’t he tell me? Didn’t he know how much I cared? Not even in a friend way either…” I said softly, my voice trembling. There – I admitted it. I liked Dakota. Much more than I should. 

        Which just seemed to make everything worse. I thought he liked me too, at least a little bit more than a friend. He was always arguing with Red to spend more time with me, and he always seemed to know the right way to comfort me. Was I just reading too much into all of it? Was this another cruel trick played on me by my mind? Like the park thing?

        But the park thing actually came true, I thought with a shiver, tears once again pricking at my eyes. 

        I heard a soft knock at my door, breaking me out of my little stupor. 

        “Casey? Are you awake?” My mom’s voice floated in through the door and I grunted to let her know I was. “I heated up your dinner since you missed it earlier,” she responded. 

        I contemplated whether or not I wanted to go to dinner, before deciding no, I don’t want my parents to see me like this again. 

        “I’m not hungry,” I called out to her. Then my stomach growled, loud and proud. I winced, hoping my mom didn’t hear it. 

        No such luck. “Are you sure? I thought I just heard your stomach growling.”

        “Mom, I’m fine. I’m not hungry.”

        “If you’re sure..” she answered, the uncertainty clear in her voice. There was silence for a minute, and I didn’t hear her leave. “Could you please just come down and at least eat a little? For my sake?” 

        My heart twinged when she said that, but I just couldn’t. I wasn’t up to pretending right now, at least not today.

        “Sorry Mom, I just can’t. Can you please leave me alone?” It hurt even more to say that, especially considering how many things my mom did for me. 

        What hurt the most though is the one word my mom uttered before leaving, “Okay.” 

        I sighed and turned over in my bed to face my window. It was still pitch black out, bringing me back to when I met Dakota, Ollie, and Nick in the park. It seemed like an eternity ago when it was really only a few hours. 

        The red numbers on my clock seemed to glare at me, reminding me that I actually had school in a few hours. 

        I honestly don’t know what I’ll do when I get there, I don’t know if I could even talk to them right now. 

        I don’t know if I could face them again after the past couple days. 

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For a while, I debated whether or not to post it .-. cause I don't really like it and it needs some serious editing but I don't have time to edit because NaNoWriMo is right around the corner xc

and you'll also find out what happened [probably very vaguely and im also probably still going to leave you guys hanging but... yeah] to dem boys during their disappearance in the next chapter :3