in which minami kotori, a fashion student at otonokizaka university, develops a strange fondness for sonoda umi, the girl who sits in the row in front of hers.
[this book is based on a comic strip of kotoumi that inspired me to transform it into an...
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the gardenia: the flower of purity and sweetness. also used to convey secret love.
— in which kotori can't stop thinking about the girl who sits in the row in front of hers.
~
three months of nothing. no contact, no communication. everything just ended where she had left it. kotori didn't know how she was surviving, but she was. they were now nothing more than strangers; like they had never once been in the other's life. like they had brushed past each other, never touching.
no more lunches, no more sitting together in classes, no more anything.
the bell echoes faintly throughout the lecture hall, and kotori sighs deeply, putting her pencil down, her partner doing the same in quick succession. she takes a quick glance at the back of umi's head, which was bent over her work, copper eyes strained in concentration.
"you've stopped hanging out with her recently, right?"
kotori tears her gaze away and faces her deskmate, who was looking at umi as well, a scorning expression on her face. anger grips kotori's chest in a fit, but she controls it. though they were estranged, umi was not a bad person, and this kotori knew.
"yes, so?" she asks, tidying her books, trying to control her tone.
"good," her partner says loudly enough for anyone sitting in the neighboring rows to hear, increasing kotori's urge to slap some sense into her, but it would have been too impulsive of her. "that bitch shouldn't be allowed in this school."
"hey, what's your problem?" another classmate threatens, standing up and facing her angrily.
"she's a dyke and a gangster,"
"so what? it's the twentieth century, grow up." the classmate spits, gathering her belongings and leaving the room, sending umi a small, supportive smile. kotori notices umi give one in return, and she feels irritated. somewhere inside her, a tiny nagging voice was scolding her for not standing up for her friend, but something was holding her back. she despised this.
she should have been the one speaking up for her, but she wasn't.
were they still friends? what was going on?
never mind, she'll stop thinking about it. that was the best way to go on. she can't be spending all her time fretting over thoughts of umi anymore.
"ridiculous," her partner scoffs, keeping her eyes on the back of umi's head.
kotori keeps her silence, and stands up, not looking back at her even as her partner calls out to her, the strides she took fast and angry.
pattering footsteps follow her out, and a hand on her shoulder pulls her around once she was out of the classroom and standing in the hall.
"hey,"
kotori's eyes widen when she meets copper irises, and she tightens her grip on her books, not ready to stare her in the eye.
"hey," she whispers softly, instantly looking away, unable to face the heartbreak in umi's treading tone.
"feeling okay?"
guilt gripped kotori's heart, and she swallows, urging herself to look up, to apologise, to say anything that would, perhaps, mend the relationship she abandoned. the pressure was crushing her more than she'd like to admit.
she tilts her head up slowly, fingers sliding between her books, attempting to find solace and comfort in anything. anything to escape from the concern on her face.
kotori opens her mouth to speak, but the first thing she catches is the sight of umi's earlobe — usually decorated by the most mystical deep blue, but now naked, vulnerable.
and her heart broke again.
"...sorry," kotori's voice trembles, and she runs past umi again, their bodies brushing, hearts never meeting.
"i'm really...sorry."
~
she traces the glass of iced tea with a finger, cheek pressed against the cool surface of the canteen table. gloom settles in her stomach, and she lets out a soft sigh.
what was she doing? why was she running around like a headless squirrel at the mere sight of long, deep-blue hair?
she must be going mad.
"anybody sitting here?"
kotori lifts her head at the familiar voice of her best friend, and offers a small smile while shaking her head.
honoka grips her tray, settles it on the table, and sliding smoothly into the bench, returns a sad smile of her own. "everything alright?"
kotori breathes in deeply, banishing all thoughts of umi from her head as quickly as she could, and straightens in her seat. "yeah, yeah, i'm fine. why?"
"well," honoka picks up her chopsticks, the steam rising from the bowl of ramen in front of her clouding her blue irises. "you always sit with sonoda-san during lunch, and you haven't been doing that these past few months."
"n-nothing...happened..." kotori trails off as the illusion of umi's bright smile fills her vision, her deep chuckles playing like music in her ears, her copper orbs holding an entire world in their enchanting swirls.
"ah," honoka nods, almost nonchalantly, as she takes a sip of piping soup. "it almost looked like you were heartbroken there."
"heartbroken?" kotori frowns, staring at her friend, demanding an explanation.
"i've seen eli-chan like that before," honoka remarks. "when she thought nozomi-chan was mad at her for forgetting her birthday."
"eli-chan was so busy that week, with student council and everything, that nozomi-chan's birthday completely slipped her mind." honoka snorts at the memory, taking a bite out of her egg. "but it was all cleared up in the end. lucky that nozomi-chan's so understanding."
kotori opens her mouth to defend herself, but she just closes it again after. she had nothing. the emptiness in her chest was even becoming obvious to honoka, infamous for being dense to the point of no tomorrow.
she needed to sort things out, that was for sure.
"it's okay, honoka-chan," she assures, downing her glass of iced tea in one go. "thanks for your concern. i, er, got to go, well, get ready for the next class. see you later!"
she grabs her things and leaves quickly, knowing that umi had kendō practice on thursdays. maybe she could catch her then. they had to talk. and she wasn't going to run away. not this time.
"wait!" honoka calls, but kotori was too far away to hear, so she just sinks back down in her seat. "we...don't have anymore lessons for today."
she turns her attention back to her ramen, a small smile playing on her lips as she takes another sip of warm soup. "kotori-chan is really bad at lying, isn't she?"
~
thank you for waiting! sorry this one took so long, i've been spending more time with my mum, which i barely have the chance to during my schooling days.
(and we have also been binging hotel del luna together omg that show is so emotional i can't)
anyway, i hope you understand! have a great day and see you in the next chapter uvu
