The Permutation

Apex (Part 11) Vergil

Saturday, November 5th, 1:41 a.m.

Wind sliced through Vergil's body, cutting through his clothes and skin as if it were merely a suggestion. Hair danced around his head, and he wondered why he had always refused to cut his hair. A realization struck him; perching over the precipice of the certain death gave him a clarity he wished he would live long enough to utilize it.

The reason he wore the same clothes, kept the same hair, and stayed at the drive-in and Lancet Falls all stemmed from the same illness. His aversion to change had become pathologic, because keeping everything the same didn't shake the status quo. It was comfortable, and Vergil could hide beneath it like a cloak.

There was so much he wanted to do and say to people he no longer could. He wished he would have fought harder for Lisa. He wished he hadn't let his friendships fall to the wayside because of his refusal to change. He wished he had let Saul grow closer to him. They were both clinging to their love of Vergil's mother, and Vergil had decided to shove him away. He wished that he hadn't spit on his mother's grave by turning into everything she hated. He wished that he would have lived long enough to be able to forgive himself.

Vergil didn't believe in an afterlife, but in that moment, he wished he did. That way he would have Someone or Something to give him the absolution he needed, but his dying thoughts would be lost to the universe, decomposed with Vergil's body. Maybe he didn't deserve a better end; his entire life had been a waste.

Did any of it matter?

Even before his abilities, Vergil had squandered the talents he'd been given. He could have used his intelligence to make something of himself, to become a positive force in the world. In a way, his fear to do anything had been selfish, and this miserable end was right and just, a punishment to fit the crime.

Maybe everything that has happened to me was supposed to lead up to this moment? What if I had gone and made something of myself? Would Lancet Falls, the town I love, have been able to deal with this threat without me? What if this is my atonement?

Vergil didn't think so.

He couldn't see the others from this high up. There wasn't enough light, but he imagined them looking up at him expectantly. Maybe he looked like a savior outlined by the moonlight. In his final moments, Vergil would be everyone's hero, but the truth was he was just a man who did what was necessary and that would have to be enough.

Remember me.

Vergil jumped.

Vergil didn't get to see his life played before him like a Greek tragedy, but the scenes he did see were projected on a large screen in his mind. They didn't show his whole life, not even close, but it did show the important stuff. The list could have fit on a notecard.

His mother's smile when Vergil had gotten in trouble for defending Mike Leary, the boy with the cleft palate.

His mother caressing his long hair as they watched Good Will Hunting at the Nueva Vista.

A group of boys sitting around a campfire promising to to be friends for life.

Hopelessly falling in love in a matter of moments.

A family of three sitting around a Christmas tree.

That same family sitting around a hospital bed.

A cemetery full of strangers, none of whom mattered.

A violet light.

A miniature schnauzer looking down on Vergil from a second story window.

More energy than Vergil had ever felt was gathering in his body as he plummeted through the air. The violet energy rushed into him like a torrent that threatened to wash him away. He imagined himself a violet comet plummeting toward the Earth. He wondered if the others could see the violet seething inside of him, or if it was all in his head.

When the energy stopped flowing into him, Vergil was still falling. All the energy he was going to gather was inside him; he prayed it was enough. Hopefully, the impact with the ground would give him everything he needed, but another part of him knew what would happen. Vergil was already full, so when he hit the ground there would be nothing left for him to absorb.

Vergil pancake.

The ground rushed to meet Vergil.