It's hard when who you want don't want nothing ain't it,
I'm a grown woman now I take the bullshit and head face in,
Cause it's unbelievable how concealed a confused heart really is,
Confusion is not a place to be, it will have you ask where the feeling is,
If if you really wanna play me daily try me,
I can be a cold hearted bitch just like nobody knew me,
You won't even be ignored or called up like a stranger,
I refuse to be anyone's fallback or baby Jesus in a manger,
Locked up and rolled in a ball of fake ideas of crushes and being in "love",
The only love that exists is what God brought from above,
And it can linger in a lonely heart of mines if I wanted something that heavenly,
But I'm so caught up on affection and these other earthly things,
That is like silly putty to my deep gashes,
I wish I could throw up my broken heart and burn it into ashes,
I'd get more love if I didn't give none no more,
I'd get more love with long lashes and genital sores,
I'm not a man and I don't have to chase them,
Just seems like every time I try to try to care nobody is there,
Every time I try to fight the battle of my self worth someone decides to voice to me how much they really don't care,
Life ain't even fare,
Happiness has three hundred and sixty five flights of stairs,
That trail on and add one more day even one day is accomplished,
That breaks your body down so much you just pass on out and vomit,
I like me and I'm worth it and I'll stay faithful to me only,
Cause it sucks being this beautiful in a full world being so lonely,
I just wanna be somebody's I just wanna be reminded who God sees me as,
Too bad I have to now still look at your ass in class,
I founded myself attracted to the wrong things-differences,
In different instances,
Something's have getting used to it,
Mass abominations to the trouble I get myself into from wanting a male figure in my life,
Just in need of a father to dance with me like a princess uncle phill daddy and his wife,
A family with a big house and an apartment complex,
A college fund with every form of IV league payed for,
Money, cars and much more...
Momma why I gotta catch the bus when my little brother driving,
Why the dude I like got to treat me like he jiving,
Why I get horny text messages after 1 am,
Why people two faceted why I don't have no friends,
Why doesn't anybody want to love beautiful little me,
Why do I got to be a girl that's just "sweet".
As blood rolls down wrists deep through nectar, insulin in my veins makes thoughts of sugar an injector, falling towards the lines of life at its end, where is the world with true friends, where is your spirit in the universe when you really want to let go but can't seem to do so, is that the main problem too or the only option of a lifeline that is already on life support in willing power to pull the plug on your own self, because you aren't who anybody would love to want to be with, you are just used to being used and should get used to it-it happens so much, so tired of it and I want to say fuck it should've said fuck it a long time ago been a hoe or shot myself with the 9 on the go, God blessed me how by making me miserable, lord bless me with stability cause that's the only thing gunna keep me from shooting sugar into me.
My heart has stopped already.
