Too complicated

Too complicated: Part 9

Y/n POV:

Y/n: I...I don't know what I want.

I licked my lips and looked back out to the city, searching the skyline for an answer, the silhouette of the city trying its best to clear my head. I took Tom's hands in mine gently removing them from my waist and rubbed my thumbs over them delicately as if I was handling crystal gems.

Y/n: My priority is Noah.

Tom: I know that.

I sense the desperation in his voice he was trying to contain, but the slightest hints managed to slip out and it only made my mind even fuzzier than what it was now.

Y/n: He's already been through so much, you have no idea. I can't see him hurt again. I won't.

He squeezed my hands tighter. God he's making this so hard.

Tom: I don't understand. I'd never want to hurt Noah.

Y/n: You're right. You'd never want to. But you would. Tom we live very different lives. I mean, you're an actor. Travelling the world, having all of these amazing opportunities, making people fall in love with you on screen. You're a superhero Tom, I'm just me.

He shook his head frustrated. His eyes narrowing at mine as is he's trying to corner me off, and I'm trapped. They're so serious, so full of purpose and I can see the golden specks of his deep brown eyes, as I drown effortlessly in them.

Tom: Don't say that. I'm not special because of what I do, and you're not worthless because you don't do the same.

Y/n: That's not what I'm concerned about.

Tom: Then what?

I close my eyes and will every fibre in my body, every ounce I can conjure up inside me to give me the strength to tell him without bailing out mid sentence to melt away into his arms. Once I open them I watch his eyes navigating mine, his mouth slightly hung open in anticipation.

Y/n: We give this a go. Noah is already so fond of you. He loves when you're around. Then when things go wrong, you leave and that's another person he has to deal with losing. I don't want to put him through that.

Tom: Why are you assuming things won't work?

Y/n: That's always how it goes. It's fate.

Tom: No, I don't accept that. Fate isn't something we have to obey. We write our own stories. Fate doesn't know us. What we're capable of. I really, really like you Y/n. And if fate is what brought me to you then I'll be eternally grateful. But now, I can take things from here, leave fate behind because now I get to decide what happens next. I just need you to trust me.

Y/n: You're life is bigger than this.

Tom: I need you.

It isn't working. The barriers and shields I built knowing you would put up quite the fight. They've all crumbled away, every last one of them, until eventually I'm stood vulnerably at your words. Each one of them penetrating my skin like bullets, only instead of stopping my heart, it's only making it beat faster. The butterflies flutter once more from his touch, the nerves kick in as I notice his hand had traveled up to my cheek.

Y/n: Okay.

Tom: Okay?

Y/n: Okay, I want to try.

His face lit up like the city and he picked me up, swinging me around in his arms and placing me carefully back down after giggling and reminding him that Noah was sleeping. He chuckled and bit his lip.

Tom: Sorry...I got excited.

I catch his gaze drifting down to my lips, the hours of his untouched drug teasing him with each second he has to spend a part.

Tom: Can I?

My smile is a clear enough answer as he pulls me in for a kiss. It's much more savoured than last night's desperate kisses. Now we knew it was the start of many, no need to rush the pleasure in fear of it disappearing at any moment. I missed the taste of his lips. The the sweetness to it made it that much more addictive. He stayed over that night. Holding me against his chest, the music of his heartbeat played against my ear.

Tom: That picture on your desk, are they your parents?

I smiled at the memory of that day. The beach was practically empty because of the rain. It made the sky grey and the air heavy, but we didn't care. We still went, enjoying the luxury of the empty beach. It was a good day.

Y/n: Yeah. That was a year before they died.

I think unintentionally, he hugged me tighter.

Tom: How did they die?

Y/n: Plane crash. They were going on a business trip, like always. But this one time, they never came back. Even though they promised they would. Things for us kinda went to shit from there. I was too young at the time to care for Noah by myself so we had to live with some distant relative of my father's. They weren't the greatest carers so as soon as I could, I took Noah and got out of there. Battling for his custody was hard for both of us. No matter how hard I tried, he was constantly scared he'd lose his family again.

I paused from the painful memories.

Y/n: So now we live here. Living off my crappy salary of a waitress, trying to make Noah's life a little easier to manage every day.

Tom: Well sounds to me like you need someone to make your life a little easier too.

I chuckle and kiss his cheek.

Y/n: Is that not why you're here?

I lean back against him, closing my eyes, wishing I could keep this moment in a bottle.

Tom: Thank you for sharing that with me.

I feel him slightly shift to find a more comfortable position to sleep in.

Y/n: That's okay. You asked me to trust you. So I am.

Tom: Glad to hear it.

Y/n: And Spidey?

He laughs softly and kisses my neck.

Tom: Yes?

Y/n: I really really like you too.