Call It What You Want: Home Series 1 (Trans!Steve and Pan!Bucky Summer AU)

Sixty-Three

Pulling out onto the road, Steve pulled his arm back into the car. Rolling up the window and easing in the passenger seat as the air conditioning kept them cool. It was so different than the ride up the mountain on their first day. Then main difference was the way that Bucky took Steve's hand in his.

The whole ride, their hands stayed interlaced. Fingers locked. Soothing squeezes. Neither saying anything the whole ride to the airport. Not even Natasha talked. Of course, that wasn't necessarily unusual.

One handed, Bucky maneuvered the car into a spot and paused for a moment. Taking in a deep breath, Bucky squeezed Steve's hand once. As Natasha exited the car, Bucky brought Steve's hand up to his mouth to press a tender kiss to Steve's skin.

"Message me?" Bucky softly requested, worrying his lower lip with his teeth.

The desperateness seeped through Bucky's tone and twisted Steve's stomach. Steve blinked away his tears and flashed a small smile as he reassured, "Of course."

Nodding, Bucky leaned over the console and reached up to cradle Steve's face while pressing his forehead against Steve's. With his lower lip quivering, Bucky whispered, "I don't wanna say goodbye."

"It doesn't have to be goodbye," Steve said aloud the words he had been telling himself all day.

Taking in a shaky breath, Bucky quietly repeated, "It doesn't have to be goodbye."

At that, Steve leaned in and frantically pressed his lips to Bucky's. Wishing that he had kissed Bucky sooner. Wishing that he hadn't wasted so much time tiptoeing around his feelings. But there wasn't anything that Steve could do now.

Now all he could do was kiss Bucky and hold on to that promise that they made to each other. They were young. But Steve knew that he'd never meet anyone like Bucky. It didn't matter how many years passed or how old he was. Bucky was someone special.

Breaking apart, they climbed out of the car. Natasha turned to look at them and exhaled a puff of smoke. Pushing herself away from the car, she dropped the cigarette to the ground and Steve stepped on it for her. Both moving around to the back of the car where Bucky was taking their luggage out of the trunk.

Slinging both bags over his shoulders, Bucky closed the trunk door and headed towards the airport. Natasha didn't protest about carrying her own bag. She wasn't glaring at everything in sight. Instead, she walked silently with her head held high and her right hand knuckles bruised.

Steve took Bucky's hand in his, giving it a squeeze. Relaying everything that he was feeling in that one gesture. Only realizing then just how it had become their thing. Especially once Bucky returned the squeeze with one of his own before tenderly rubbing circles into Steve's skin.

As they entered the airport, Steve noticed how people were hugging their loved ones. Either dropping off or picking up, it didn't matter much. Hugs and kisses. Smiles and tears. Steve gave Bucky's hand another squeeze.

"I, um," Natasha started, gaining Steve and Bucky's attentions. She gestured off to the side and clarified, "I'm gonna go over there until you're... done."

"Smooth," Steve deadpanned and shook his head. Teasingly, Natasha flipped him off over her shoulder as she walked over and towards the windows.

Bucky started worrying his lower lip again and seemed to be having a difficult time looking at Steve. As Steve turned to stand in front of him, he noticed that Bucky's perfect steel-blue eyes were misty. Which, of course, only caused Steve's own blue eyes to start glazing over in tears.

Feeling his cheeks redden, Steve sniffled and gave Bucky's hand another squeeze. Bucky dropped the bags to the floor and pulled Steve into him with a soft, "C'mere."

As soon as he was wrapped in Bucky's strong, warm embrace, Steve buried his face in Bucky's chest and allowed his first set of tears for the day to freely fall and stain Bucky's soft gray t-shirt. Tightly, Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky's waist and held on as though his life depended on it. It felt like his life depended on it.

"Shh," Bucky comforted, his lips pressed to the top of his head. Softly, he reminded, "Hey, this isn't goodbye, remember."

Still crying, Steve nodded, confirming, "This isn't goodbye."

"This is," Bucky started, pausing to take in a shaky breath. Steve could feel a few tears drop onto his head, wetting his hair. Bucky thickly swallowed and continued, "This is, this is a... a... pause."

Steve sniffled and agreed, "A pause."

"We'll still talk," Bucky promised, "It'll be like being right down the hall."

Mutely, Steve nodded, not being able to argue. He knew that it wouldn't be like being right down the hall. And Steve was sure that Bucky knew that too. But Steve wasn't going to be the one to say it.

Bucky sniffled and continued, "We can even have skype dates, if you want. I know that I'll want them. I doubt you'll want to see my ugly mug, but I'll sure miss your cute face."

Scoffing, Steve poked Bucky's side, causing him to squirm and softly chuckle. Steve tilted his face up to look at Bucky and informed him, "You're cute. Of course, I'll wanna see your face."

"Okay," Bucky quietly conceded, wiping Steve's tears away. Leaning in, Bucky gently pressed a sweet kiss to Steve's lips. Sealing his promise in the best of ways, in Steve's opinion.

And since it would be the last kiss for a while, Steve slid one of his hands up and tangled his fingers in Bucky's messy brown hair. Glad that Bucky pulled him in even closer and deepened the kiss. Never in his life had Steve imagined that he'd be one of those couples, but there he was. And in the heat of the moment, Steve couldn't care less about anyone who was judging him. Just taking a moment to enjoy kissing Bucky, and get lost in the sweetness that Bucky handled him with.

Before they pulled apart completely, Bucky pressed one more kiss to Steve's lips. Not stopping there though, Bucky pressed a kiss to Steve's forehead. Keeping his lips there a moment before stroking his thumb along Steve's jaw and promised, "I'll talk to you later."

Nodding, Steve stood on his tiptoes to kiss Bucky again. He knew that he had to leave soon, but he still wanted that quick kiss. Half-teasing, Steve informed Bucky, "I'll be counting the hours."

"I take it all back, I'm not even gonna miss you a little bit," Bucky joked even though the tears building in his eyes said otherwise. Still, Steve poked Bucky's side, causing him to squirm and Bucky weakly chuckled, "Okay. Maybe I'll miss you a little bit."

Steve shook his head and scoffed, "'Maybe.'"

Bucky leaned in and kissed Steve's forehead again. With his lips still there, he confessed, "I'll miss you so much."

"I'll miss you too," Steve confirmed, wrapping his arms around Bucky's torso again to give him one last hug. "So, so much."

Despite both of them wanting to linger, they both knew they couldn't. So, Steve picked up his bag and turned to gesture for Natasha, but Natasha was already crossing the space to them.

Grasping the strap of his duffle bag like a lifeline, Steve weakly smiled at Bucky and turned to head further into the airport. Feeling Bucky's gaze on him as he slowly followed Natasha, Steve refrained from running back over to the handsome brunet. Of course, just because he didn't jump back into Bucky's arms, Steve still couldn't stop himself from looking over his shoulder at him.

Bucky stood there, as though promising that he'd always be there. Arms crossed as though he was holding himself since he couldn't hold Steve, Bucky kept his gaze locked on him. Even as tears streamed down Steve's face, Bucky kept watching him.

Steve squeezed the strap of his bag like he would squeeze Bucky's hand. Struggling to keep the weak smile on his face as he glanced over at Bucky. Never considering before how much it would hurt to leave once their summer was over, and knowing that he would choose it all over again. Especially when that slow grin stretched across Bucky's face and he lifted his hand to wave at Steve. Sending him off with a promise: that this was something real.