Family Business

yeesh

Conner really shouldn't have been so surprised to wake up in the position he currently found himself in given who his 'roommate' was. But alas the half kryptonian couldn't help but feel slightly shocked and a bit betrayed when he awoke to find himself hog tied and dangling from the ceiling, Jason sitting cockily on a chair across from him with a gun aimed lazily in his direction. 

"I thought we had a bonding moment last night. I rubbed your back." Conner practically whined as he spun in the air. 

Jason scoffed. "Yeah and if you tell anyone about that I will skin you alive and make Clark eat it."

"Gross."

Jason shrugged, pushing himself to stand and strolling towards the helpless hero. "You know my name. How?"

Conner chuckled to himself. "You bats aren't as sneaky as you think."

"I'm not a bat, haven't been since the Joker took a crowbar to my cranium."

"Yikes."

"Yeah, try being there." Jason smirked. "Well, since you know my identity you probably know everyone else's which means I have to kill you. Oh well." 

Jason aimed the gun at Conner's head and the Superboy flinched. "Wait! No you don't! I can keep a secret." Jason cocked a brow. "And think about it, Batman dislikes Superman right? Well, how would he feel if his clone was the first one to figure out your identities?"

Jason paused, mulling the thought over before his smirk turned into a devilish grin. "B would hate that. I like the way you think, Supes Jr." Jason holstered his gun, pulling out a switchblade from his pocket and cutting the rope holding Conner from the ceiling. He went crashing to the ground and Jason sliced the ropes, freeing him. He offered Conner a hand, helping him off the floor. "Now, you're not allowed to tell anyone else because if you do, I will seriously have to kill you."

"Not even your siblings?"

"Nah, we keep this from them because its fun but I don't care if they know you know. I meant from your little team of do gooders. Got it?"

Conner nodded, gesturing for Jason to lead the way out of the bedroom. The two of them walked in a comfortable silence towards the kitchen, already hearing a ruckus. Jason groaned, unholstering his gun and plowing his way into the crowded room. He lifted the gun towards the sky and fired twice, scaring the living daylights out of everyone in the room.

"Jeez, Hood, really? Every morning?" Tim complained from his spot on the couch, the bags under his eyes looking very designer. 

Jason shrugged and the team wasn't sure which scared them more, the fact that Red Hood fired his gun at his siblings daily to get their attention or that the siblings are so blase about it. 

"Well, if you actually slept like a normal person the sound wouldn't bother you." Stephanie teased, slapping Tim's knees to make him sit up so she could take a seat. 

"Mmm pretty sure the sound would still be obnoxious." Barbara chimed in. 

"Okay, moving on from your weird family rituals-"

"Like you're one to talk, Artemis."

"-we need to figure out a way to get out of here. The League is bound to have noticed our absence by now. Surely Batman will notice all  of his proteges being gone, right?"

The Bats all shook their heads in unison. 

"B doesn't give two shits. He has one rule; don't kill."

"Eh, more of a guideline."

"Its a rule, Hood." Dick sighed in exasperation when Damian nodded along with Jason's words. "Don't encourage the little one!"

"Pretty sure he could and would kill you in a fight, but okay." Stephanie shrieked when Dick threw his slipper at her. "Ew, gross! Your feet smell worse than A-Agent A's meatloaf."

"Guys! Focus!" Artemis snapped before more bickering could break out among the clan. "We need to find a way to contact the League."

"Or not." All eyes turned to Jason as soon as the words fell out of his mouth. He shrugged nonchalantly at their shocked expressions. "I mean, think about it. We have a mini-vacation right now. When else are we going to get a time like this?"

"Hood, you do realize crime is probably rampant because we are stuck here?"

"Crime is always rampant, Double R. Just means more fun for me when we get out."

How can he be so nonchalant about killing?

He could be talking about maiming.

How is that better?

Not saying it is, Bart, just trying to prove a point.

Which is?

Not everything is about murder with Hood.

Oh, like unsolicited violence is much better?

For him it is.

This morning he threatened to skin me alive and make Clark eat it.

What?!

While the team was discussing Conner's reveal through the mind link, Stephanie rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone, opening up the group chat.

Waynes and Gainzz Group Chat

Spoiled: Hey Tim, what're y'all talking about in that mind link thing you got going on?

Timbers: How Jason threatened to skin Conner.

Spawn: Normal pre-breakfast conversation.

Bruce's Fav: Damian you stole my line.

Spawn: You've got to be quicker, Cain.

Hoodlum: Isn't anyone going to ask WHY I threatened to skin Supes Jr?

BG: No, its not a complete morning without at least one threat from you.

The OG: Or Damian. Sorry Little D.

Spawn: What have I told you about that nickname, Grayson?

The OG: I know, but it just fits.

Hoodlum: BTW, Supes Jr knows. But he doesn't know you know he knows.

Bruce's Fav: Bruce is going to freeaaak.

Timbers: Get your cameras ready.

"Hold up! You guys have your phones and you haven't thought about calling, oh I don't know, your mentor?!" Bart squawked, appearing behind Steph and Tim just as they hid their phone screens.

"Wait, what?" Wally gave Dick such a crushed look, the vigilante almost felt bad for not letting his best friend use his phone for Candy Crush. "'Wing, how could you?" Dick shrugged, casually sliding his phone into his pajama pockets.

"Call Batman right now."

Panicking, the Bats all did the only logical thing to do in that situation.

They threw their phones in the garbage disposal and turned it on.