Healing

X - sweet dreams

Hello~ so, I've been so busy with work and life. My own therapy has been incredibly hard and August was particularly difficult with loads of crisis. To top it all, my boyfriend and I broke up so I've been heartbroken and keeping myself busier to move on. I apologize for making you all wait so much, but I was trying to survive day to day.

I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you for all the comments. You remind me I love Jinyoung and Jaebeom too much to let them behind.

Bel, xx

∞

         When Jinyoung gets home he's exhausted. His body is heavy, taking one step is a herculean task and most of the time he doubts he'll even make it to his room. At home, his mother is doing the dishes and cleaning, his father is watching television and his sister is probably out or in her room, it's hard to know. The young man walks in slowly, the lock at the door signals its locking mechanism as he takes off his shoes and slides in his slippers, and that's as much noise as he makes. Jinyoung barely lifts his feet as he steps out of the receiver and makes his way through the three-room apartment, to his room. His father barely lifts his eyes to see who's coming in, but aside from a nod, there's no other acknowledgment. His mother probably doesn't even hear him coming in with all the noise in the kitchen.

Quietly, Jinyoung makes it to his room, slowly closing the door behind him. He wants to crawl inside his bed and close his eyes, but he does not make it. He kneels next to the mattress, his upper body resting on the surface, his face buried in the duvet. Since he left Jackson and Mark, Jinyoung only focused on walking, making sure to put one foot in front of the other and get home. He has not thought much about it because he knows that although it was such a pleasant afternoon, his mind will easily twist it and cover it in a dark veil that will ruin it; it's what always happens and the young man is only delaying the inevitable for a bit.

If everyone has a talent, Jinyoung's talent is to ruin even the best moments and memories.

Jackson and Mark's kindness was surprising and like fresh air when he was drowning, but as Jinyoung sinks in his bed, he starts feeling that jealousy kick in. That energy, ease to smile he saw with the young couple, their selflessness and will to just hang out with a stranger out of pure goodwill makes Jinyoung feel more miserable because he's never felt like that. He's never just done good for no reason at all. He's never been able to make a strange happy. He fails at understanding how people can be like that, so happy and easygoing. Why are they so different from Jinyoung? Why can't he feel like that?

Often, Jinyoung asks himself why... why he has to be the way he is.

A groan, frustrated and wounded, escapes his lips. The young man blocks all thoughts and just lets the darkness crawl in, engulfing all of him. There's no space for thoughts, worries or memories. There's only darkness. That is familiar for him, the numbness that comes with the shadows, and as odd as it might sound, he can rest. His body is heavy, he doubts he can move when the darkness comes from him, but he's not thinking, there's nothing and that is better for him.

Darkness is comfortable. Darkness is familiar. Jinyoung prefers the darkness.

But something makes it through the black fog, and it is hard to notice it at first, but it persists, a little light and it's coming from his phone.

Jinyoung reaches it to see five new notifications from Im Jaebeom. Just with that, seeing that name on his screen, the darkness starts to recede.

The first text is a short hello, the second is a picture of the sunset, from a high building with the sun hiding behind some clouds. The buildings of different heights, the billboards and every other thing in the horizon is painted in warm orange and pink tones, velvety and soft, and it's just so beautiful.