Healing

XIV - containing

Please enjoy!

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"Jinyoungie, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Jaebeom asks frantically, but Jinyoung can't calm down enough to reply, the hurt he's feeling is overpowering anything else inside him.

He doesn't understand why Haeyoung hates him so much, why she's always been so mean to him. It's not the first time she says how she wishes Jinyoung would succeed at killing himself. He's tried to not get in her way, to be quiet and blend with the background, but it seems even that she hates.

Maybe Jinyoung should really kill himself, it wouldn't be only for him. He would finally stop wasting time and space in a world he doesn't want to be in, and his family would get rid of someone who only brings shame and confusion to them. If they can't understand him and accept him, how can Jinyoung even dream of doing that himself? Let alone someone else.

"Jinyoungie, please, answer me. I'll go wherever you are," Jaebeom pleads, Jinyoung hears the desperation and fear in his voice, loud and clear. "Don't do anything and wait for me."

"I'm home," Jinyoung explains, wiping the tears and working hard to control his breathing. It feels like an unbearable weight is pushing him down, making it hard for his heart to beat and his lungs to breathe. The claws of the monster haven't fully let go of him yet.

"Okay... where is home?" The older man asks and Jinyoung almost chuckles, for a brief moment picturing Jaebeom grabbing his jacket, getting ready to go out just to stop and realize he has no idea where to go.

"Mangwon market," Jinyoung replies, finding solace in Jaebeom's voice and his willingness to come to him.

He knows he needs to put some distance and be more careful with Im Jaebeom, there's something unusual about him, something unsettling among all the other feelings and no matter what, he shouldn't lose sight of that. But when the monster of The Thought comes for him, with its seducing whispers, persuading him to end with his life after all, when he's being pushed shouldn't he hold on the glimmer of light?

Or you could just give up and not worry about that either, the monster whispers, still hanging around Jinyoung, bringing more darkness until he cannot even see the lights of the living room where he is still sitting at.

His hand clenches the phone, breathing harder and his eyes shut tight, shaking.

"I'm on my way, Jinyoungie; just grabbing a taxi, okay? Don't do anything rash, just wait a bit more and I'll be there, please." Jaebeom's voice is pleading, desperate even, as if he were begging Jinyoung to hang in there a bit more.

And for some reason, that breaks Jinyoung even more. Between sobs, he replies: "Okay."

"Don't hang up, okay? Send me your location but stay on the line," the older man requests, sounding out of breath. In the background Jinyoung can hear the street noises and what it seems a door closing, making him think Jaebeom is getting in the cab as they speak.

Jinyoung does as told, only getting the phone back against his ear to inform Jaebeom he just sent the precise address of his building.

Jaebeom doesn't ask him anything about what happened, or why he's crying, instead he goes reporting where he is, what kind of landmark he just passed by, when he crosses the Han and telling him he should be there shortly. Jinyoung only listens, focusing on Jaebeom's voice only and closing his ears to everything else. If his mother comes out to get him, Jinyoung has no idea.

It feels forever when Jaebeom finally says: "I'm outside." Only then Jinyoung opens his eyes. He doesn't want to move, but there's still some rational part in him that doesn't want him to tell the older man his apartment number. Only because of that he forces his body to move, standing up and walking out of the flat. He does not take a jacket or anything, he barely slides in some flats and leaves without saying a word. He knows Jaebeom hasn't hung up because he can hear him breathing, so he keeps the phone against his ear as he takes the lift to go down, and then walking outside the building. He still has the phone against his ear when he spots Jaebeom standing outside, mirroring his posture.