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Sunday. He'd been at mine all weekend, and it just hadn't been the same. He was still in pain, pain that I myself could feel in him too.
We had a match, and I didn't know how I was going to cope, being so close, so sweaty, so physical.
How is it possible for a man to have more than one dimple on his pretty little cheeks?
We were in the changing rooms, pre match, with Mr Priest, who was joyfully running us over today's tack ticks, the highlight of his day I could imagine. I'm just not feeling it.
It was raining heavy outside and the mud was sliding. What if he was to fall? If find myself worrying about menial things I didn't before; whether he's eating right, how his schoolwork's going, how he sleeps.
An uproar of hyped teenage boys and I found myself glued to the seat, families outside cheering. Frozen.
I stared at the floor.
I heard studs rushing back into the changing room.
Matthew.
"Hey what's wrong?"
"Um...what? Sorry nothing, let's go"
"No no, what's wrong Ben? I know there's something bothering you. I care about you, you know?"
"Oh right aha..." I laughed nervously, the tingling sensation in my stomach rising to my face. "I'm just a bit confused I guess..."
"Confused about what? Chemistry? We can go and find Dr Cherry on Monday?"
I nervously laughed. That's the thing about Matthew.
Such a joker, even in the most serious of circumstances, for example, when Jack broke his leg. Blood was everywhere, the bone shot out, and all he say was "who fancies chicken legs for lunch?" While all the boys were screaming.
"Ben?? Hello?"
He walked close and knelt down in front of me so our faces were level, his hand resting on my shoulder.
"If there's something wrong you can tell me."
I looked up and saw his eyes through his lusciously long eyelashes.
"Oh hey" I said in a trance, and my eyes wondered down to his lips, he noticed.
His head tilted upwards towards mine and I lent in. Getting closer and closer...then Mr Priest burst through the door. We looked round with a start.
"Chop chop boys! We have a match to win!"
We looked at each other nervously. We jogged out.

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