7. Ybn Cordae "You left a dent"

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Do you know that point in your life when you fucked up and I mean fuuuucked up?

If so then you probably know how it feels when it all comes crashing down and you need to fix it. That's how I feel as I arrive at Cordae's door, I'm struggling to come up with some sort of explanation for disappearing. My clothes are soaked all the way through because L.A thought that I needed the extra drama. I'm still stalling and standing outside of the door when Glizzy opens the door with manny and Bielsa shadowing behind him.

"Oh 'sup y/n" Glizzy greet me shocked at my sudden appearance, I'm sure the drowned rat look did wonders as well.

"Oh, Shit! y/n. Is that you?!" Jay as subtle as ever yells from the couch, causing everyone to turn and look at me. Nahmir looks uncomfortable as he shifts his gaze from me to the ground, I know he's happy to see me by the small smile creeping on his face. The mix of faces shows those that are happy to see me and those who give me well deserved if looks could kill stares. Finally, my cowardly eyes settle of Cordae, my heart skips multiple beats and I fight the urge to throw myself at him. He holds my gaze and I feel the turmoil turning inside him.

"Aint nobody gonna offer her a towel?" Jay asks the crowd mockingly "Ight then" He says and he gets up walking away. The attention soon fades off me and the room fills up with murmurs and conversation. Cordae pauses the conversation he was having with two girls, a beautiful Asian girl wearing a tight-fitting dress and a white girl wearing a tube top and a leather skirt. He gets up and starts walking up to me, my heart starts to flutter and I feel like I'm going to throw up, both from nerves and guilt.

"Hi" Cordae coldly greets me. He stands in front of me and I catch a glimpse of the two girls sending me death stares.

"Hi" I murmur back. We uncomfortably shift our weight from foot to foot, while staring at everything but each other.

"We should get you cleaned up" he states, the way he says 'we' was like he was swallowing acid. I nod my head and follow him through the crowd of people towards the bathroom. "Hows Malcolm? Hows Aayleah?" he asks as we start to climb the stairs.

"He's good" I smile at the thought of my kids. "Malcolm is walking and starting to talk and Aayleah is loving kindergarten"

"Wow! It seems like just yesterday he was still crawling and drooling all over my floors and Aayleah was making a mess with her dress up tea parties" it's like the topic of my kids closed the awkwardness that we had created. Cordae always loved Malcolm like his own child, and would constantly call Aayleah his princess, he would frame the art that the kids would bring home from preschool, Cordae was more prominent in my kids' lives than their own father.

"He said his first words yesterday" I beam, Cordae whips his head and looks at me "Yeah, his first words were your name"

"What?" he exclaims, causing the few partygoers that were crowded on the stairs and on the landing "Like he said Cordae" he repeats still shocked.

"Kinda he says Dae and Cordie" I answer.

"Wow," he says growing quieter. The silence lasts us till the bathroom, as we turn down the hallway I see jay and a girl pressed against the wall passionately making out. Cordae coughs and jay jumps off the girl.

"Oh hey, guys" Jay greets us cooly "Ah, Y/n I forgot to get your towel, I kinda...got busy" he trails off.

"It's fine" I smile at Jay and trail behind Cordae, who was leading down the hallway.

He steps into the well-lit bathroom, his bathroom. The bathroom that I gave Malcolm's first bath, where we spent a night laughing and talking while cleaning up wall art that Aayleah left for us, all these memories hit me like a punch to the gut.

"You know where the towels are, I'll see if I can find you some clothes" he walks away without looking. I close the door and fight tears as reach for the towels under the sink. I'm drying myself off when Cordae knocks on the door before opening it, he holds out a pair of his sweat shorts and a hoodie. I slowly start to peel my soaked clothes off and engulf myself with his sent as I pull on his clothes. That's when I start to weep, why did I mess this up so bad? Cordae walks through the door.

"I'm so sorry" I bawl, standing in the middle of his bathroom, swallowed by his clothes.

"You don't get to be sorry" He responds.

"I really messed up, I'm so sorry" I wipe my tears, a useless task as they get replaced easily by ten more.

"You left!" He screamed, "you left!" He repeats softer

I try and gather myself "I left because I needed to" he scoffs and rolls his eyes at my response. "I left because I needed to find out what being me was. My priorities are my kids, they always have been and will continue to always be mine."

"What does this have to do with you leaving?" He demands

"I wasn't myself. I was unsure of myself. I need to be sure for my kids. I won't be my mother." I state.

"So what does this have to do with me?" He throws his hands up "what does this have to do with you showing up at my door soaking wet?"

"I thought you'd blame yourself for me leaving"

"And why would I do that?" He scoffs.

"Because I know you Cordae" he rolls his eyes "I know you. You're a man that loves people so deeply, who carries everyone's burdens so they can be happy. Your the man who is carefree and serious. You combine two polar opposite traits and make them work in harmony. You feel bad when someone's crying and you don't know how to fix it" I explain "you fell in love with me, a single mother working a crappy nine to five job while trying to get her own brand on the ground running. You took me in with my kids and loved all three of us with your heart, soul and core." Soft tears start to roll down his cheeks "I have always loved you Cordae, with all of me, I love you. It tears my being apart hurting you" I grab his cheeks in my hands.

"I love you too" He responds " I love your kids." I wipe the tear that follows the tracks on his cheeks "but I need time. You left me and I loved you so much. You left this dent in my life, and another one when you took the kids away from me" I try to speak but end up spluttering " I think you should go,".


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