Buried Alive By Love

6. Slippery When Dead

That winter was a strange one. Ruby was that kind of person that didn't opened up often, so when she did it, I felt lucky. She had her own struggles, and they were too much sometimes. Her brother was the reason of her anxiety. He simply disappeared in the world.

"When was the last time you spoke to him?"

"Maybe last month. He was in Stavanger."

"You've said it was the city were your family comes from."

"Yeah." I still didn't know about her father, if he was alive.

"What was he doing there?"

She shook her head. "He was looking for ghosts."

"What do you mean?"

"It's nothing important." It was always like that. It was like she had a quota to tell me things, she would stop it abruptly, and started to ask about me instead.

"Why do you feel the need to drink so much?" I wasn't drinking much these days I saw her more often, but she said I always had drunken eyes.

"Uh, it helps me a bit to get out of the bed. But I'm not drinking much lately, I have to thank you for that."

"Why?"

"Because drinking used to give me courage to get out of the bed. Now, thinking of you helps me." I said it while we were walking in a park near my tower. She stopped all of sudden, and had worried eyes.

"What is it, dear?" I caressed her face.

"Ville, you can't... You can't never put your happiness over the existence of someone else."

"That's impossible. That's how we build relationships, any form of it. Can't I be happier because you exist?"

"But you can't let this be the reason you wake up in the morning."

I gulped. "No, you're wrong. It should be."

She shook her head. "You can't. It's wrong."

Ruby was damaged, just like I was, but sometimes she seemed beyond redemption. "It's not wrong. I'm hopeless romantic, but I don't feel it's wrong."

She shook her head. I held her closer to me, and she was stiffened, she didn't hold me back, so I let her go. "What about your roommate? When does she come back? What's her name, again?"

"Vera. I really don't know, I didn't ask."

"Okay. So, I have to rehearsal. Do you wanna go there?"

"I have to study."

"See you later, then?"

She nodded. I got closer to her, studying that odd creature. I kissed her lightly, and as her hands held me, I kisser her deeper and pulled her even closer. I felt a bit insecure with Ruby, like I never knew where to stand my ground. I was afraid of doing something wrong all the time, that something could scare her away forever, so I just waited for her signals.

My mind was drifting during the rehearsal, but my voice was getting better. The songs were evolving and I was happy with the results. "I have to say we never sounded that good." Gas said, also very glad with the outcome.

"This is very different from anything else we did before." Burton agreed. "Sounds fucking good."

"It's nice to know my sadness wasn't in vain." I said and we all laughed. I loved them, I felt bad I disappointed them so much lately, but I felt like I was recovering their trust. I didn't miss the rehearsals nor the recordings, I wasn't singing drunk, and I wasn't being a dick. All that required a lot of effort.