Buried Alive By Love

10. My Heart Shies from the Sorrow

I didn't remember the last time I felt so nervous about a... Date? Yes, I guess this was a date. I also didn't had any recollection I used that word last time.

Not even with Ruby. Her memory came to my mind and it instantly made me feel weird. Not exactly sad, which was something I expected. Sometimes I got angry, upset, or didn't feel nothing at all, I didn't know how to feel about her. I remember when I met her one day after talking on the phone, maybe that counted as date, but it didn't feel much like one. The only thing I was sure is that she would be an eternal mystery to me. Her presence vanished from my life as much as she came, completely unexpected and awkwardly. To think she was forever gone was haunting, and I felt guilty to think she now could be in peace, that she didn't had in life. That was a horrible thought.

Now I was in a crazy anxiety state, I felt scared for some reason. Not scared of Eve, although she did intimidated me a bit, but I was scared of screwing a real chance to know her better. I knew this was a rare encounter, I felt lucky and had to take my chances best I could. It didn't matter what would be the outcome, I didn't hope for anything. I didn't had any romantic expectations, even though Eve was... I caught myself smiling to remember the sound of her shy giggle. And for some reason my heart was slowly being crushed, I felt a pain on my chest and I inhaled like I forgot how to do so. The thought of her let me unstable, in a way I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. But I knew I was being a coward, I was just scared. Scared of the world she could show me.

I shook off the feeling, it wasn't so easy to do, but I had to be more courageous. I felt I wasn't fighting for anything in my life lately, and this feeling of being such a loser was tremendously overwhelming, I had to try harder. I went upstairs when I felt the wonderful scent of black magic, aka coffee. "I thought you left already." Marie was preparing something. "Did I forgot to tell you that I'm gonna have dinner out today?"

"No, you did, but I'm preparing some things you can eat later, don't worry." She was looking at me with a smile forming on her lips. "What? Why are you looking funny at me?" I asked her.

"Are you gonna have dinner with whom?"

I laughed. "Someone is nosy. Well... Her name is Eve."

Marie smiled surprise at me. "Oh, who is this woman?"

"She's..." It was difficult to find the best adjective for Eve, she had many. "You know when you feel you meet someone so unparalleled that this is just once in a lifetime thing? That's Eve. Maybe... Maybe she's not all that and I just have this feeling because I'm trying so hard, or she's really the most wonderful woman I've ever met." I couldn't believe I was saying that, how could I say that after a simple encounter? But I had this necessity to share it with Marie. I had this growing feeling on my chest, I had to pour it out.

She started to laugh, chuckling delighted. "I can't believe I'm hearing this. She must be really special indeed, I can see it in your eyes. You're different."

"I'm so anxious to meet her. Will you help me choose something to dress?"

I don't know why I asked her that, I never did such a thing. She followed me to the bedroom after agreeing to it extremely excited, but first I picked some clothes for the event. "Seppo will come to pick this for me."

"How about this one?" Marie took a blue suit. "No, this is ugly."

"No, you look so handsome in it!"

"I don't know. How's my hair today? Is it too messy?"

She giggled out loud, I felt my stomach twisting so nervous I was. I never got so worried before about a dinner. "I mean it, help me."

Marie just looked at it, and nodded. "It looks great today. No beanie!"

"Yeah, no beanie. She will see my hair today."