Buried Alive By Love

8. No One's Easy to Love

How I was still alive, I didn't know. For two days I didn't leave my room, I didn't eat, I just drank. Maybe I was killing myself, until I realized I needed help. I didn't want to die. In a way, my behaviour was suicidal, but I didn't want it. I was just too absorbed in my pain to fully comprehend what I was doing.

I called Mige. I didn't want Seppo to see me like that, he just took too much from me lately. Well, Mige as well, but maybe he could understand me better. "Mige?"

"V? Are you alright?" Maybe he realized something was bad, well, my voice barely came out.

"No, could you please come to the tower? I need help. I really do."

"Oh shit, I'm coming. Are you injured?"

"No. I just... I can't even get up. Please, don't call Seppo. Just come fastest you can."

"I'm on my way."

I was on the floor and tried to lift my head, but it was like someone was pulling me behind. My stomach was boiling and I had to throw up.

Why did you that to me, Ruby? Why did you left me like that? I was tired of crying, I didn't had any energy left anymore. But every time the desperation hit my chest I had to concentrate in breathing, which was hard.

Mige came fast. "Oh, goddamn Ville." He ran to me. "Can you stand up?"

"Help me, I need to throw up." He helped me lift to the bathroom and I almost fell on the toilet seat. I felt slightly better after throwing up, but I had a hole in my stomach. "Oh fucking Christ, Ville. You're vomiting blood."

"I feel better now."

"I'll take you to the hospital, right now."

"Please, don't. Call Marie. Ask her to make me some food, that's all I need."

"I'm afraid you need more than food."

"Mige, please." I heard my voice trembling, and by the look in his face, he was scared. "You will eat something, but then I'll take you to the hospital. I don't care." He called her, he was calming her down, she was probably nervous already.

"Don't get me wrong, but you need a shower. Do you think you can manage?"

"Probably."

"Jesus. I'll help you."

"You don't have to do this."

"I don't wanna take my chances of you falling and hitting your head and die." I would laugh if I had any energy.

Mige helped me while I sat on the bathtub. "My god, I can see all your bones." Mige said with a heavy tone. "You're just envious because you have too much fat in your body."

"You bastard." Mige said and I chuckled. "I'll be in your room, call me if you need me."

While I was in the bathtub, I wondered what took Ruby's life. Did she do it herself? Maybe someone else? Maybe she was sick and didn't tell me? I thought about so many options. I was decided to look for her roommate and asked her what she knew about Ruby, and then look for her brother. But I wouldn't do that anymore. I had to let Ruby go. When I thought about it, I started to cry all over again. I was tired of this, of feeling so low.

I dressed myself, Mige was upstairs talking to Marie. I walked slowly, I was dizzy and feeling terribly weak. "Hi, darling." I said and Marie's eyes filled with tears, she almost dropped a pan she had in her hands when she saw me. "Oh, dear lord! Look at you!"

"I'm fine, I just need your food. Please. No, don't cry."

"I'll help you." Mige said, trying to keep Marie busy. I sat by the kitchen with then, I combed my hair with my fingers and I felt several loose hair strands. My hair was falling.