To Be A Leader

Chapter 8: Say OK

"Where's Adora? There she is! Where's Adora? There she is!"

Beautiful bubbling laughter rings throughout the room as Phineas pulls the blanket off Adora's little head for the tenth time. I sit in the rocking chair, watching as the one-year-old wiggles a bit, still staying seated as her brother lightly places the blanket over her head again.

"Where's Adora?" He asks, using that same tone of voice everyone uses when playing with babies, even though he himself has never heard it. He pulls the blanket off her, grinning when brown eyes land on his face. "There she is!"

She laughs again, smiling. That smile is enough for Phineas. He can't hear her laughter, but he can see her smile and that is good enough for him. Being here, being safe, has made him more open, more accepting and happier about the little things. He's a good kid, truly.

He's just not my kid. At least, not in the same way Milo is. He calls me Five, or sometimes Callista. Never Mum. I get that, in a way. His mother wasn't like Milo's. Milo's mother left him and his siblings because it was an apocalypse and she didn't want children around her because they could decrease her chance of survival. Milo and Penelope and Willis accepted me as their mother because I was there when their mother chose not to be. It wasn't like that with Phineas's mother. She died during child birth. There was nothing I could do to save her, but her dying wish was for me to take care of her children.

I'm not Phineas's mother, and he'll never think of me as such. It might not be that way when it comes to Adora, but that's how it is with Phineas.

It's kind of a relief, actually. I know I'm still his caretaker, and I know Phineas does see me as his caretaker, but caretaker is different than parent. It just feels like there's less pressure, even though, honestly, there isn't. But just the feeling of it feels better to me, less of a weight on my shoulders.

Because I have so much weight on my shoulders there days.

I'm so tired.

"What's wrong with you?"

I blink, my gaze sliding over to Phineas, who is now dangling a toy in front of Adora while she reaches for it with chubby hands and tiny fingers. The blond sends me a raised brow, and I force a smile.

"I'm fine," I say as I sign it with my hands. "Just got lost in thought."

"You looked upset."

"Just stressed."

"About?"

I hesitate in answering, wondering if I should tell the eleven-year-old anything at all.

"Everything," I reply. The answer's vague enough to where he can't ask any specific questions, not about me or yesterday's mission or anything else. Still, I need to change the subject. "Where's Milo?"

He shrugs. "Probably with the scientist."

I nod. 'The scientist' being Veronica. Phineas, unlike Milo, is still extremely bitter, considering how Veronica was there when I 'died', and she didn't do anything to stop that from happening. Phineas does know that this was part of her plan to save me, but he saw his mother bleed to death, and then only a few months later he saw his caretaker turn into a zombie. He was ten. That kind of thing doesn't just go away. Memories like that bleed into every situation, reminding you of the horrors you saw, keeping you traumatized, afraid.

Milo has let go because, for some odd reason, he still believes Veronica is good. I say this as if I believe Veronica is evil, but really I think she's just neutral. There's no morals with her. She's dedicated to her work. She told me this herself. Milo believes Veronica didn't truly understand what she was doing. How he came to this conclusion, I don't know. He was so angry at her because of Owen, and yet, now it's like that doesn't matter.