To Be A Leader

Chapter 29: Cut The Ties

It's been a long day.

I'm not tired exactly-well, I am, just not in the way that I feel the need for sleep. No, I'm not that type of tired. I'm tired in the way that I need to sit down because my brain feels overwhelmed. Janine had us all come straight back to Abel after that bounty hunter left. She didn't let us object or ask any questions, just told us we had to get back to Abel and start formulating a plan to save Selma.

Of course, she didn't tell us much about the Paradise Project, but I could tell that was because she was trying to think up something as we traveled back. I could see it by how her lips moved as she silently talked to herself. I didn't bother her. I was too busy reeling over the fact that Valmont gave A.N.N.I.E. access to the Glass Protocol, and me putting those corrupted files into her mainframe is what started it all back up again.

When we got back to Abel, things were strange. Of course, seeing Janine back again caused everyone to swarm us, asking questions of what happened, where did we find Janine, was Pit Viper holding Janine hostage and the like. We couldn't give them any answers because doing so would blow the cover Janine worked so hard to keep. Janine said nothing, only giving a few nods to certain runners before heading to her farmhouse. She told us she'd call us back shortly to brief us on the plan, but until then we should not disturb her.

So here I am now, in the coms shack, sewing little pieces of cloth together to look like flowers, since finding any actual bouquets has been an absolute failure. It seems that I'm not the only one who's tried to have a wedding the apocalypse, and the bouquets were the lowest in stock.

Sam's playing with Sarah. It's mostly just him watching her play with brightly colored foam blocks and making sure she doesn't eat them. Paula handed her over to him so she could run off to Maxine and tell her everything that happened. Technically we're not supposed to say anything to anyone until we get Janine's okay, but I think it's okay to make an exception since Maxine is Paula's wife, and I know if Sam hadn't been on that mission I'd spill everything as soon as we were alone too.

I continue to sew pieces of fabric together to make the blue and white petals. It wasn't what I imaged my bouquet to be like as a little girl, but I also didn't imagine myself getting married in a zombie apocalypse, or me getting married to someone that's not Wesley. Besides, this seems more my style now anyway-making due with what I've got. It's what I've done with literally everything else.

Sam's laughter pulls me away from my taskwork, and I watch as he builds a small tower of blocks only for Sarah to knock them down, laughing as she does so. He laughs with her, love and adoration shining in his eyes. My heart swells at the sight. He's a good dad. He and Maxine and Paula are better parents than I will ever be.

I'm glad that Sarah is a handful though, even for the three of them. It means there's less of a chance of Sam wanting children with me after we get married. I think about that a lot. The two of us having kids-it scares me. I've already lost two children, and I could easily lose a third because of his occupation as a runner. Plus actually having a child is much different than adopting one.

I'd have to take time off from running since my missions are very danger and accident prone, and just because I have accelerated healing doesn't mean my baby would. Plus if we were to have children together, that'd be even more responsibility for me. Adora is usually taken care of by some of the nursery workers while I'm out on runs or when I'm busy, but I know Sarah is usually with one of her three parents the majority of the time. She rarely spends any time with other caretakers. I don't know if I could handle that responsibility.

Thankfully Sam hasn't brought up that conversation just yet, and I'm hoping he won't for a long time, possibly ever. But I know Sam, and he probably will at some point, especially if we manage to stop Sigrid and find a cure.