To Be A Leader

Chapter 39: The Devil Within

"One, two, three, wee!" I say for the hundredth time, lifting myself out of a squat to hoist Adora up over my head.

The little redhead giggles madly when I bend down to place her on the ground again. She looks at me expectantly, and I repeat the phrase again, then the motion. I have been doing this for the past twenty minutes. I ignore the burn in my arms and legs from it, deciding this can be my workout for the day. Although, if I'm honest, I'll probably go workout later too. It's not like I have anything else to do.

It's been a week since Paula, Zoe and I went on that med run, and in the week that followed I've done nothing but work in the kitchens and go on supply or decoy runs. I think after learning that the people helping with the meds exchange refused to stay neutral after being offered the cure spooked everyone, so they've been extra cautious when sending me out. They don't want to send me somewhere that may have switched sides and trap me for Sigrid.

I did end up finding out who all helped decide I needed a break. I was going to try to argue with them until I learned that Janine was one of those people who made up "they", as Paula put it. It would be a waste of energy to try to argue with her. Not only that, but Tom was asked to give his opinion on the matter, and so was Peter. They are considered some of my closer friends, so I suppose Janine thought they'd know more about me than what I'd willingly tell.

I've been avoiding Tom since that day in the gym-weaseling out of training sessions, not joining them at night when I can't sleep. I can't deal with his questions right now, because he will ask questions.

I lift Adora up again, a soft smile on my face as she laughs. I'm glad she's in a good mood. Summer has been telling me she's been more bratty than usual, but I think she just has different moods. There are times when she wants to be held and there are times when she'll scream when you touch her. I'm the same way, although instead of screaming I just wiggle out of Sam's grasp and sit at the corner of the bed. It's moods, and thankfully Adora is in a mood where she wants to play and be held.

Although I do wish she'd grow tired of getting picked up over and over again. This is starting to get old, and my legs and arms are already beginning to tire. Still, I'll do it for as long as she wants me to.

One of the good things about having less running days is I can spend more time with my kids. I miss them, although things are a bit tense with Milo since he knows more about my problems than Phineas or Adora. I'd rather it stay that way. Adora is too young to really understand my situation, but Phineas should know as little as possible since he already has enough issues with trust. If he knew there was another personailty living in my head... I don't know how well he'd take it.

Adora giggles as I lift her up and set her down once more. Thankfully she doesn't give me that expectant look, and she doesn't try to jump to indicate she wants to go again. Now she seems satisfied to play with the ties that make a bow at the front of my blouse. I let her play with them, shaking them around with her eyes following the strings. As long as she doesn't try to put then in her mouth, then I'm fine with her touching them. Better her playing with ties than a light socket.

I never realized how much trouble babies manage to get into until I adopted one.

Although I don't have to worry about any light sockets out here in the park. It's quiet here, and while I know it would be easier for Adora to find entertainment at the playground, I want to wait until she's a bit older. She knows how to walk, but she still wobbles from time to time, and with her being only a year and a half old she could easily fall or be pushed down by some of the older children.

I let out a soft sigh, watching as Adora lets go of my ties and waddles over to the little blanket I set down for her to play on, along with a few of her toys. She finds interest in one of the light up pianos that has music and numbers. I let her tap on the keys, listening to the child-like voice that comes from the piano, singing songs about the 'ABC's and all that.