Crush! Kill! Destroy! (Male! Gem Reader)

I am a proud Iolite warrior.

I am a proud Iolite warrior. Like most Iolites I am strong, and durable; You could run me clean through with a blade and I'd stay standing no problem, as is normal for my gem. Because of this, most Iolites are either trained to be a defensive phalanx, impenetrable to enemy attack, or they are trained as berzerkers, allowing their durability to make up for their lack of care on the battlefield. But above this I have two more things to be proud of. First, is my extremely deep blue coloration, signaling that I am a truly powerful and exceptional member of my gem class. But the second is what most other gems would notice first and foremost about me. Unlike other gems, which by nature default to a female state of being, I am male.

Male Gems are extremely rare, despite our increased strength, speed, durability, size and stamina, largely from a practical standpoint, stemming from major issues with our creation. The admixtures that enable normal gem injection fluid to create male gems make it incredibly unstable. Most gems will have minute flaws that result in less than perfect creation, such is life, but even small flaws in creating a male gem runs the risk of catastrophic explosion, severely damaging the kindergarten it was planted in and certainly completely annihilating any implanted gems and unfortunate nearby kindergarteners. This is of course assuming the injector doesn't receive a hard shock during implantation. For a normal Injector, this would disrupt operation temporarily, at worst, it would crack the glass and need repair. But if male gem injection fluid were inside at the time? It would take out the whole damn kindergarten. My diamond, Blue Diamond, explained this all to me when I asked why I was the only male gem in all of homeworld, despite my prowess.

But, there is another reason I have had to figure out on my own. Gems, normal gems that is, think and feel normally, like any intelligent being can. But male gems like me? Well, it's almost normal. But every male gem has, like, a 'voice' in their head. It tells them what they should be doing, what they should be feeling, how they should feel it, that kind of thing. And it's not like a speech going on in your head, oh no, that would be bearable. It shouts. All. the. Time! Ceaseless, endless shouting in your head, trying to beat your personality, your conscious, your very soul into a predefined manner. And there's no way to tell what that 'voice' will say to a male gem for the entirety of its long, long life until he has burst forth from the ground. Sometimes it is helpful, like a Quartz with a 'voice' that commands him to be honorable, a Sapphire with a 'voice' that tells him to be wise; but it is equally likely that it will go completely against the grain of its poor gem's role, like a Peridot with a 'voice' that commands him to destroy rather than create, or a Ruby with a 'voice' that drives him craven and skittish.

Resisting the 'voice' is incredibly hard. It never lets up till you give in, drowning out your thoughts till you can't even hear the commands of your superiors. Luckily, we gems have iron wills as a whole, but even we can not live our life on full guard. The only proven consistent methods that get the 'voice' to quiet down and let a male gem truly be himself are 1. Listening to the 'voice' without question (impractical, unless the demands of the 'voice' both line up with the gem's duty, wants, and personality) or 2. Companionship. Male gems that develop an attachment to one (or more) gems find that the urges, demands, and shouting of the 'voice' quiet down in the presence of these individuals (inconvenient, unless these gems also happen to be of a type that would need to regularly associate with the male gem's gem type).

Let me be clear, with the unvarnished factualism of plain speak. I. hate. The. 'VOICE'! It yells at me, screams at me, night and day, without rest, for one thing, and one thing alone. Violence. The pain and destruction of others, be they gem or biological, it cares not. It forces within me, against my will, with horrifying force, the desire to kill. If a Moonstone were to read my mind, they would learn just how eloquent and rational I can be, for the power of the 'voice' is such that I speak in violent outbursts, and short, curt sentences normally. Acting civil, even to My Diamond, is a tremendous exercise in sheer willpower. Such is the violence that it forcibly inspires in my body, that when I burst forth from the rock I was gestated in, I lunged toward the poor Peridot that was assigned to check my formation and cut. With one hand I grabbed her head, with the other, her neck. And with my bare hands, I pulled her head clean off of her body, poofing her into her gem instantly... she barely even had time to scream. But I did. As I ripped out from the rock, I shouted out in sync with the 'voice' that suddenly came into my head and commanded that I attack the nearest thing. "RIP AND TEAR!" These were my first words ever. After that outburst, I started to cry, and I looked around... to see My Diamond, Blue Diamond, standing there, in shock, appalled by my barbaric outburst. Why she did not shatter me then, I don't think I'll ever know; if I had been given the choice, I would have chosen death over seeing My Diamond so upset with me.

But here I am, alive, and one of her strongest, and most brutal, soldiers. Many times she has sent me on a mission, only for me to find that Yellow, or White, had requested my services. They would have had male gems of their own, but, it turns out, Blue had directly over saw my creation, to ensure that it was done right. (Something about "Missing the 'aesthetic presence' of men." I didn't really get it.) Yellow and White were far too busy to oversee their own, so I was oft on loan to them. Pink, who had no planets of her own, had little need for an Iolite, though that did not stop her from dropping by Blue Diamonds court whenever she knew I was there. I was a novelty, a spectacle, a rare male gem. It felt nice to be desired. I managed for centuries to keep the anger at bay, to hold in the rage, and suppress my urge to kill. Soon, I hoped, I would prove myself worthy to have a companion gem. I am not so proud as to assume even my exemplary service would earn me a Spinel. But at the very least, to prove that I can own a Pearl, would be wonderful. (I had earned one in my first century, but, in a fit of anger after a pathetic showing by my fellow Iolites in a sparring match, I shattered her, something I still regret to this day.)

Then, I heard the good news. Pink Diamond would be getting her own planet! Finally! With all the Diamonds in possession of planets and conquering armies, the Empire would surely blossom into a glorious Second Era! Then I heard the news about the rebellion, and the 'voice' started to grow louder and louder. It wanted me to go to earth, and crush the rebellion myself. But no, I did not want to slaughter my own kind, even if they were filthy traitors. Killing bioforms is one thing; that is, afterall, a necessary consequence of our Empire expanding. But fellow gems? No, it would not sit right. And the worst part is the 'voice' would push me onwards, every gem I shatter would weigh on my conscious, yet the killing would go on, never slowing, never ending, till there are none left to kill. So I resolved to stay out of it, and I made sure to keep my head down, so that My Diamond did not think to send me. That was, of course, until I heard about how Rose Quartz, vile leader of the rebellion, had shattered her Diamond. Pink Diamond.

To say that I was angry, would be an understatement. The sheer vitriol I felt for the so-called 'Crystal Gems' in the moment I heard of Pink Diamonds death, was only outmatched by the hatred I felt for the miserable rock they betrayed their race for in the next moment, which was, in turn, eclipsed in the next moment by my desire for vengeance. My anger grew, exponentially, ever increasing with each second the Diamond shatterers lived. It was as though all the progress I'd made in suppressing that 'voice' of violence, all my years of patience, my decades of restraint, my centuries of development, were undone in an instant. I had stayed away from the rebellion because the deaths of the traitors would have tormented my conscience, now, every second they yet lived, scoured my very soul with rage! I could hear it; I could hear the 'voice' grow louder and louder! Crush! Kill! Destroy! CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY! CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY! CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY!! I don't even remember reaching My Diamonds throne room, but I knew exactly why I was there.

(Y/N): "BLUE DIAMOND!"