Kissing my friends is not an unusual thing for me; we go to parties, drink a little, get a bit tipsy and then we're kissing, and it's not a big deal. I like to joke saying it makes the friendship stronger and I actually believe it does, you know? But then I kissed Josh and things got weird. I'm not gonna lie, I used to have a big crush on him when we first met, but we got along so well and I don't think he ever felt the same way, so I just accepted him as a friend and moved on. After a while the feeling was gone and we built up this beautiful friendship.
But we were at this party a few weeks ago and I was dancing with some of my friends when I caught his eyes fixed on me. He was with this group of people, they were all talking and laughing, but Josh wasn't really paying attention to any of them. I held his gaze and he smirked. I walked to him and grabbed one of his hands, taking him somewhere a little less crowded. When I finally stopped and turned to him, he was smiling, my lips mirrored his. Josh's hands moved to my waist and he walked a few more steps, only stopping when my back hit a wall.
My hands made their way to the back of his head, I let my fingers get lost on his curls. He scanned my face and stopped on my mouth; I did the same. I couldn't breath, I couldn't think and I couldn't hear nor see anyone but him. After what felt like an eternity, he leaned down and kissed me. No words were exchanged between us, we both knew what we wanted, so there was no need to say anything.
His lips were soft and warm. It was the best kiss I've ever had, not only because it was a good one, but because of how I felt. I was nervous and calm at the same time, my heart was pumping hard in my chest, I had goosebumps all over. His lips made me forget about all of my problems and I wanted nothing more than to stay like that forever.
Like I said, I've made out with my friends before, but it was never like this. It's usually something very quick and we end up laughing and singing whatever song is playing on the top of our lungs. My kiss with Josh was anything but quick. The clock stopped the moment our lips met. At times, we would just stop and look at each other's eyes; he would bring his mouth to my neck; I would trail kisses along his jaw. We only actually stopped when one of his friend came to us and said they were leaving. He gave me a hug and then brushed his lips lightly against mine, before dragging his teeth along my bottom lip. "See you around," was all he said.
Things got pretty awkward after that, whenever I see him there was always this tension filling the air. Both Josh and I are very touchy people, we're always hugging, playing with each other's hair, pocking one another. Now it's just plain weird, we won't even stand next to each other. I sometimes feel the weight of his eyes on me, but when I face him, he looks away.
Since the party, all I do is think about him. The old crush is back. I look at him and feel exactly how I did when we first met, I can hear my heart beating and it seems like everyone can.
When it got too much for me to handle, I managed to avoid him for a week. It's weird though, I'm so used to having him around that seven days feels like forever. I also can't stop thinking about the son of a bitch, so I miss him more than anything. There's going to be another party in a few hours, I thought about staying home and watching some cheesy romantic comedies in my pajamas, because he'll certainly be there and I won't know how to act. On the other hand, I need to drink, I need to be with my friends and I really want to see what will happen, so I just decide to go.
There's this dress Josh always says is his favorite. I unconsciously pick that one and when I notice, is just too late to change. Or at least that's what I convince myself to believe, because deep inside all I want is for Josh to say I look pretty like he always does when I wear it; I want him to act the way he always does because he is my friend and kissing him was supposed to make our friendship stronger and not make things weird between us.
He is the first person I see when I get there. My heart races and my hands start to sweat. I want to go straight to the bar and get a drink before approaching, but one of my best friends, Lauren, is with him and she sees me and starts waving her hands, asking me to join them. I take a deep breath before going. When Josh sees me, he smiles. That comforts me, because it shows that everything is alright, but at the same time nothing makes me more nervous than that fucking smile.
When I get close enough, Josh opens his arms and hold me in a very tight hug. "Hello, stranger." He gives me a peck on the cheek. "What happened to you? Haven't seen you in a while."
"I've been pretty busy lately, that's all."
"I missed you. I wanted to text you, but I was afraid you didn't want to talk to me, you know?" He gives a sad smile. All I can think about is how much I want to kiss him.
After I'm done greeting my friends, Josh asks me to go get a drink with him. We walk side by side; we're both quiet for a while, but then he speaks. "Have I told how nice you look in this dress?" I blush and look down, smiling.
"Always. I don't mind, though, you can keep telling me." He laughs a little and stops walking. "What?" I ask, also stopping. Without saying anything, he grabs one of my hands and guides me to the opposite direction of the bar. We stop at a corner, Josh takes both of my hands in his.
"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I mean, every time we've seen each other since that party was weird, and then you disappeared. I just assumed it was my fault." He sounds sad and guilty. I just wanna hold him.
"It's not your fault, Josh. It's just a messed up situation. I thought everything would still be the same after what happened, but it didn't. I made you uncomfortable too and I'm sorry. We can pretend it never happened if you want."
"That's the thing though. I don't want to forget it, I was actually hoping we could do it again if you want." He is looking so deep into my eyes that I can't breath. "But when the party's over, I don't want things to be awkward, but I also don't want them to get back to normal, you know? Am I making sense?" I think he is, but I'm not really sure if he's actually saying what I think he is. I hope so.
"What are you saying?"
"What I'm saying is that I like you, Y/N. What I'm saying is I can't stop thinking about you, about how your lips felt against mine and how I want you since we've met." I'm frozen. I can't speak, I can't think. He's getting desperate, I can see it in his face. "Y/N, please say something."
"I feel the same way." He lets out a breath and smiles. I smile too. "Fuck, Josh. I've always wanted you, but I thought you only saw me as friend. I thought I had moved on, but since we've kissed you're all I can think about, all over again." We're both smiling like idiots. His hands cups my cheeks, mine hold his arms.
"Y/N, you're my favorite person in the world, and I want nothing more than to stay with you forever." With that being said, he leans down and connect our lips. Just like the first time, the clock stops. I don't know what happened to the rest of the world and I don't really care. It's just Josh and I now, and I like when we're alone.
