The Art of Finding Jasmine Rose Peters

04

'She wrote, wrote and wrote; until she became one with the words.'
~JRP

Trigger warning. Read at your own risk!

The day before was quite a stressful day for Hayden, and so she was looking forward to school, and going back home. Mostly because Lyra had said she could come to work a little later today. She said she'd talk to the owner, Mr. Brown — an old greying man who was all smiles and treats.

Hayden had a hard time closing her mouth because of excitement. She could finish some of her assignments or finally get some writing done. Either way, it left time for her to do some things which she couldn't get done yesterday as the shop was full of customers.

There wasn't any pastry shop in town — or any that Hayden knew of — that sold pastries as delicious as Cakes & Coffees. As a reward for working overtime last night, she had gotten a free dinner.

Groceries were something Lyra and Hayden struggled with. Most of the time, Hayden gave Lyra some money to buy what they'd need. But both Hayden and Lyra didn't earn much, except because Hayden had saved up enough money to pay Lyra for the rent and still feed herself before getting the job.

Hayden's head was pounding a bit, although she was still excited to go to school. Working under pressure used to be part of her daily routine, and she saw no reason she couldn't continue doing it.

She remembered the days she would go to school with headaches, back pains and weighing thoughts. She would force herself to concentrate; she needed to work hard so she could leave him.

Leave and never come back.

There were days she felt like giving up. She could feel the urge to just let go. To be free of all her worries, all the stress lying on her shoulders. She wanted to know how it felt to not be part of the world.

Just let go! The loud voice in her head would beg her when it became too much to carry on.

But then the smallest voice in her head would remind her of her father, and of the dark stormy cloud, and she would continue working hard, carrying the pain, ignoring the ache in her heart and not paying attention to anything that happened.

It was a vicious cycle that held her captive, that promised no escape, no freedom, and definitely no chance of surviving. Yet she got out, she escaped, she survived and was living to tell the tale.

Hayden's day passed like a blur. One minute she was in the Chemistry lab, the next she was solving maths on a paper. Then the bell signalled for lunchtime. She waited till everyone left the class before carrying her stuff to locker 308.

Quickly carrying some books she'd need after lunch, she grabbed the container from her locker, popped a pill in her mouth and left to have food. Because of constantly taking pills, she got used to taking them with nothing to wash them down. The pills had become her food; and if she didn't take them like she normally does, then she risked the chance of an unstable day — a day full of thoughts she kept for the dark.

Thoughts for the solacing night.

Her steps became more balanced as she stepped into the cafeteria. It was bustling with life that she could never be part of. Her stomach could use some food as she had no breakfast and also took something that would make someone her age faint.

The bounce attached to her steps became profound as she got in line for her food. Most of the students had already gotten what they wanted, so it was only her and a few others. She got her regular lunch: a mini burger, an apple, and a milkshake.