The Art of Finding Jasmine Rose Peters

29

'People say that smiling is easy. Only if they knew how easier crying was.'

~JRP

Trigger Warning! Read at your own risk.

Jasmine's body was still trembling. Her pelvic parts were aching so bad she wanted to die just to relieve herself of the pain. Why did he touch her? She had screamed, cried, and even begged for him to let her off that night.

It was her first day at work, and she had overworked herself trying to prove to her employer that she was a good choice - that hiring an inexperienced thirteen-year-old was better than hiring an older teenager.

Her hands reached out for the pills. They were gone; she had finished the container last night. She had nothing to protect herself from the demons haunting her thoughts and soul. She wanted-no needed-a distraction from them.

The cool sensation and the inner peace that the pills brought her was worth it. It was worth the fore-coming regret, the hate and the self-blame. She could handle it all if only she had one to pop to forget about the way his massive rugged hands squeezed her upper body.

A hot shiver ran down her spine. Thinking of it, made her relieve it. He had on a massive grin on his bearded face, and he was enjoying it while she, she wasn't even moving.

No, she didn't enjoy it. She loathed it like the day her father passed away. But, alas, her energy was drained, and her screams were but a whisper in the night air.

Her shaky hands couldn't grip the bedside table properly, and it was making the already broken, dim lamp to jitter. The sound was distracting but it did remind her that she needed something steady to hold onto.

Her pills were finished, what else could she use?

It was a miracle her hands were able to reach a paper that was supposed to be her Mathematics assignment. She grabbed it quickly and searched for a pen, the lamp making a sound that made the room eerier than it was.

She could always write. It was after all, her only escape.

***

The session had ended, but Hayden could still hear Dr. Francis's words ringing in her ears. She didn't believe it at first, but then again what other choice did she have. He was the doctor, and she the patient. Besides the signs he had pointed out were clear as day: nose-bleeding, dizziness, fatigue, and the need for more.

"Are you sure all right?" Calvin asked her for the umpteenth time. He had been asking her the same thing since they had left the hospital.

Something was wrong, but there was no way she was telling him until she was sure herself. She wouldn't alarm him. If infact anything was wrong with her as Dr. Francis so nicely pointed out, she would let him know, but as long as she was fine, which she was sure she was, there was no need for him to know.

"Hayden?" he called out her name and she realized she had zoned out yet again.

"I'm fine," she whispered, afraid of looking into his concerned eyes and worried face. He didn't need to get all worked up because of her. She could take care of herself without him hovering over her like a mother goose.

You're being unreasonable, a part of her said. It was the nerves getting to her, and she was trying to blame it on Calvin who was not in anyway at fault.

"We're here," Calvin said, parking the car outside her apartment complex.

"Thanks," she muttered, unbuckling her seatbelt and opening the car door.

One foot had already left the car when Calvin's worried voice broke her out of her trance. "Are you sure you're fine, Hayd? Or did Dr Francis say something?"

Hayden breathed. She could tell him and lessen the burden, but then again was it his burden to carry? He had helped her enough and it was time she did something for herself.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks for the meal and drive." She didn't turn around to look at him when she was saying this nor did she wait for his reply before she left the car and closed the door firmly.

***

It had been five whole minutes since Calvin dropped Hayden outside her apartment, and she was sure he was gone by now. She had stayed on the ground floor of the building, waiting for him to leave before she goes to her appointment.

Calvin would insist on taking her if he knew where she was going. Sure, it would save her money, but she was too embarrassed to tell him where she was going or what the therapist had told her. Even if she wasn't embarrassed, she feared the result or the way he would act if she'd told him.

"Going somewhere?" Hayden turned around swiftly to find two pairs of eyes staring pointedly at her.

She smiled nervously, trying to breathe before speaking. "Mable? Lyra? Where are you coming from?" Her heart was still racing and her breaths unstable when she spoke to them.

"The park," Mable answered, an enormous smile on her face. She had been begging the two older girls to take her to the nearby park, and Lyra had finally cracked and done so.

"Oh, then have fun, I'm going out," Hayden said. "See you later."

"What about the cookies?" Mable asked. Hayden had almost forgotten her promise to the girl.

"We'll make them when I come back, okay?"

"Oh kay," Mable said, stepping forward and giving her a hug. Hayden froze before shakily placing her hands around her little body. "Bye." She let go and followed Lyra, who had an amused smile, to their apartment.

All Hayden had to do now was wait for the cab she had requested to arrive. She was sure Calvin was gone, and Lyra and Mable had left for their apartment. She was alone with her thoughts.

Her mind was still clinging to the fact that Dr. Francis was merely pointing out the possibility of it happening. He wasn't sure; he didn't know, and she would love to prove him wrong.

Her grandmother might've died because of it, but she would not.