The Fallen Angel Part 2

7. Lonely Cloud

"Form is one of the most important things to have," father explains. "Even though having correct form is not detrimental in energy manipulation ... form stresses discipline, composure. This will ensure your mood will not influence the extremity of your powers."

"Uh ... ok."

"It means that you will not hurt anyone else by accident," he says. "You hear me? Our powers can be chaotic just like the demon royal family." He presses his palms together and closes his eyes. "By being in the praying position, it convinces you to back to your roots. It maintains energy and builds back your power by connecting with God." Then he extracts energy from his aura and a trace of light follows his index finger as he plays with this energy. "Now, try."

Sitting down, I cross my legs. Close my eyes tightly and press palms together. Open and try drawing energy from my aura, which works for a second by the light fades from my finger.

"You're too desperate," he bluntly tells me. "You have to trust God. Trust you'll have enough energy. Try acting as if you already have that energy instead of focusing on the lack of energy you have."

I nod. I try again. The whole thing. But the same thing happened.

"You keep thinking about wanting more. Just believe you already have it."

"... I don't know how."

"Stop thinking negatively and think positively," father stands up. "Or you should rethink your relationship with God. If you don't receive ample energy I can't teach you anything." Father walks to the edge of the cloud.

"Where are you going?!"

"I am the Head of the Angel Council. I do not want to waste time teaching you when it's something you have to teach yourself."

It's not that I didn't trust God. I know God is legitimate. He's the real thing and he can provide me with energy. Our relationship is neutral, mostly positive. This evaluation just means I need more work on focusing as if I already had the powers.

I did the same thing but with more jolly. I visualised. I re-established my trust with God. But nothing happened, until I realised ... I had an epiphany.

My father returned back at night and went inside the cottage while I prepared my own food. "Did you learn how to wield your aura?"

"No."

"Didn't I tell you?"

"I know why I couldn't do it. Because I knew I had the power and my relationship with God isn't too bad. I trust God," I say and sat on the wooden chair. "It's you."

"Me?"

"Yes, father, you," I explain. "Our relationship. I didn't trust the process because I feel weird about you."

He laughs. "That's ridiculous."

"I second guess your teachings because I don't trust you," I say. "You know before I descended to Hell you said I wasn't your daughter but I was a fallen angel. Now you want me to do this for you? What are your real intentions?"

"I had to say that," he said. "I was in front of other officials. If I had defied them I couldn't protect you. My authority is limited if every council member is against me."

"But you hadn't apologised for that. Sometimes, sometimes I think you don't even care about me."

"... I'm sorry Elsa. I really do care."

"That's okay."

"You know what?" he says. "I'll take the day off to help you."

"Really?"

"Well you do need a lot of help ... more than expected."

"Hey!"

____________________________________________

By re-building my relationship with my father, I was able to ease through every basic technique and skill he taught me. I had done most of the leg-work by spirit contacting ... that being ... and dealing with ... stuff ... before I came back.

I'd soon reach the level of my father.

This meant one thing. A test.

Not just any test where I fail and then I would just re-take the test. The test would show whether I was truly ready. TRULY. That meant if I fail, I would return to the hole I dug myself into. I cannot, under any circumstances fail. This was my only light. The only opportunity that can pull me out of the hole to forget the other hole I dropped into involuntarily.

This meant self-disciplining beyond my father's discipline, and he is STRICT. So I rose early from my tiny cottage and practiced on the cloud for the whole day with reasonable breaks, by breaks I meant reading. The reading that early on, I dreaded with every inch of my being I used at my break time.

I'd make sure my whole vessel matched the images of angel form exactly, no foot slightly to the left or no hand half an inch above. I made sure all my basic forms which is hundreds of types were perfect and that my energy that I expelled was as pure and powerful it could be.

It said in the books that demon's abilities were imperfect, rash and chaotic which equates to it being the beauty of their abilities. As an angel, being the polar opposite, an Angel's abilities is based on perfection, prudence and order. However, as my father said both beings are not exempt from their feelings and how they can influence our power. So I spent hours on hours meditating and praying to ensure a clarified mind.

Then finally came the day. My father arrives after leaving me alone for a month. "Are you ready for your test?"

"Yes," I say with confidence. "I'm ready."

"There will be a series of three tests."

Three?! I didn't react because another principle of Angel abilities was confidence. Although I can't say I'm fully confident, I had to at least look the part.

I knew by the look on my father's face ... these weren't going to be written.