Despite the 6 month estimate he had been given for drawing breath, he persevered with chemotherapy and various other treatments that made him feel smaller and weaker when he lay in my arms.
He wanted to continue going to school, I didn't see why, but he was determined.
He told people, if they asked, that no, he was not going prematurely bald, but he had shaved off his beautiful ocean hair for charity.
He told people, if they asked, that no, he was not taking so much time off school because he had some kind of disease, but for family emergencies.
He didn't want to tell anybody what was happening, he told me and Sawyer and we were sworn to secrecy.
One week he only came to school on one day, a Tuesday when it was biting cold and he shivered non stop through several layers of thick clothing.
We were in art and he was still cold and shaking. The heating was on and all the windows were shut but he sat curled up on his stool with his hands shoved deep into the folds of one of his jumpers.
I shrugged off my jacket and wrapped it around him, although I didn't think it would help. He looked at me then, his eyes watering and his teeth chattering and my chest hurt.
"Come here," I said and I pulled him to me, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. He grasped my waist like a man starved and held on to me tight. "It's alright," I whispered into the grey woolly hat he wore.
"I - I feel so w-weak," he stuttered, the chattering of his teeth jumping his words.
"I know," I murmured. I held him closer until a loud cough sounded behind me.
"Are you aware that this is an art lesson, Alec?"
"Yes, miss."
"Then get back to work."
I reluctantly let go of him and he took his arms from around my waist to back around his. The other students stared at us. I saw Eva Richards from the corner of my eye and watched as she turned to another girl beside her.
"I wonder why he went bald," she observed quietly to her friend, "he looks so deformed now, and why is he wearing so many jumpers? He looks like such a twat."
Her friend laughed and my fists clenched, and I desperately hoped that he had not heard them.
The stool beside me screeched as it scraped back against the floor. He stood hunched over and ran towards the door. I stood too, ignoring the teacher's calls and my peers' eyes on me as I left the room and ran after him.
He didn't go far, he couldn't. I found him doubled over on the ground outside of the building, shaking more violently than he had been before.
"I am a freak, Alec," he said inbetween convulsive gasps."Look at me, Alec, look at me!"
I looked at him. His eyes were wet with unshed tears that made his dark eyes sparkle. His cheeks were flushed and his lips quivered. He suddenly ripped his hat from his head and grasped the sides of my head, winding his unsteady hands through my hair.
"I am deformed," he rasped, and as the tears finally fell from his eyes I cupped his face in my hands and turned it upwards until he looked at me.
"You are beautiful," I told him and he shook his head. "You are, inside and out, and you are not deformed."
"You - no one," he choked, "no one will ever love me, I'm going to die without someone to love me."
"I love you," I said, and my whole body ached with trepidation. I loved him so much that it hurt but I knew that rejection would hurt more and that I had just ruined everything.
"I'm sorry-" I began, but he cut me off with his lips pressed against mine.
I could taste his salty tears and the faint whisper of his mint toothpaste. We were sat awkwardly, our legs knocked against each other's as we tried to get closer and our arms crossed and tangled.
His lips were cold and chapped, but I warmed them with my own. My heart burned with love and desire, and where his hands curled in my hair there was fire. I held his face still in my hands and the touch of his skin sent sparks shooting through my fingertips.
I was flying, as close to it as I ever would be, and the delicate touch of his lips against mine was sweeter than anything else I would ever know.
***
"I'm going home. I'll come back tomorrow." I tried to keep my voice calm but it shook obviously and my eyes closed over the tears threatening to spill.
I reached blindly for the door and carried myself away with jelly for legs.
She did not try to stop me.
