All The Bright Places - Asleep

Drips of Water

Violet

May 6

I leave home before my parents wake up and drive past Finch's house before going to the hospital. I shove some of Finch's clothes in a weekend bag and after that I drive to the hospital.

It's a long drive, so I try to keep my focus on the road and not on Finch.

Eventually I arrive at the hospital. I immediately go to Brown's office, hoping that he's in there.

I hear no one talking inside, so if he's in there he's not with patients. I knock two times before opening the door.

Brown is sitting behind his desk, he seems stressed out. He looks up when he notices someone entered the room. "Oh, good morning, miss Markey," he says and he tries to sound cheerful.

"Something wrong?" I ask.

"No," he says, but he hesitates. "Something with another patient of mine, none of your worries."

We stay quiet for a while and then Brown asks, "Did you want to ask something?"

I nod. "I was wondering if I'm allowed to wash Theodore's hair. I mean, I noticed the nurses aren't doing it, so maybe I could do it."

"I think that would be dangerous," Brown answers. "We don't know if mister Finch is aware of what happening. It might startle or even hurt him, he might drown if you're not careful. I think someone professional should shower him."

"Please," I beg him. "He really needs to be washed and he needs clean clothes, I brought some for him."

Brown shakes his head. "I don't know, Miss Markey." He looks away.

"Please, doctor Brown," I say and I stare at him. "I'll make sure to be careful. I won't use the showerhead, but a cup. I'll keep the water away from his face with my hand. I'll make sure not to hurt him. I'll call for you immediately if something goes wrong and I will be very careful." I pause and take a deep breath. "Please, just let me clean my boyfriend."

Brown sighs. "Okay, I'm making a lot of exceptions for you, Miss Markey."

"Thank you," I say and I smile at Brown.

"I'll get a nurse to get mister Finch to the bathroom," Brown tells me. "You may do the rest."

I nod.

Brown gives me plastic clothing for over my normal clothes so they don't get wet. I take off my shoes before going into the bathroom.

Finch has already been placed in the bathroom when I go inside.

He's sitting on a chair underneath the shower. He's only wearing his boxers. His naked body showing the large scars all over his body.

His body seems weak. Held in place by the railing on both sides of the chair.

He's awake, looking at the floor. He seems confused, honestly.

I kneel down in front of him and he slowly looks up at me. "Are you ready for your shower?" I ask, but of course I don't get a reply from him.

I hold a plastic cup in my hand and fill it up with lukewarm water. I slowly let it stream over Finch's hair, my free hand making sure that the water doesn't stream over his face.

His breath falters a little when the water drips from his hair onto his back.

I whisper, "Is that nice?" while I fill another cup with water.

The next minutes, I spend making Finch's hair all wet. His body gets watery as well in the process.

Then I take the shampoo from the ground and squeeze some onto my hand. I carefully massage it into Finch's hair. He softly groans when my fingers rub over his skull and I stop for a second. I hesitate about continuing, I might be hurting him.

But I continue.

I wash the shampoo out of his hair and take a towel. I don't know how I'm going to dry him when he's sitting upright like that, so I let him lean against me.

His chest against mine, his head leaning on my shoulder. His body caves in against me and I almost fall backwards because of the weight of a tall seventeen-years-old's body.

I dry him with the large towel. Carefully rubbing him with it. He mumbles something inaudible when I drape the towel around him.

"You must be cold," I say and I glance at the dry spot in the bathroom where I laid down his clothes. "Let's get you into some fresh, clean clothes."

I wonder why exactly I'm doing this. Cleaning Finch, it should be his mother's job. Somehow I feel like I'm parenting him instead of being his girlfriend.

It's my responsibility. I tell myself. I'm as closest to family as he seems to have at the moment.

I get on my feet, lifting Finch's body from the stool. He's heavy, I'm never going to get him to the dry spot without hurting him or myself.

I sigh, putting him back onto the chair.

"How am I going to do this?" I ask to no one in particular.

Finch stares at me with his big, bright, blue eyes. He seems amused, or maybe I'm just imagining it. The Finch I know would be amused if he saw me trying to do something I clearly can't. I smile at Finch, put my hands on my hips and ask Finch, "What? Are you laughing at me?"

Finch's mouth opens and mumbles something inaudible.

I'm sure he understands me. Finch knows what's going on. I just feel it.

I stare at him. This isn't Finch, but somehow he is.

"Well, I'm going to get a nurse to help me put on your clothes," I say, to change the subject to something else. I get up from the ground. "I'll be back in a second."

I walk to the hallway and get a nurse. She tells me to get some lunch while she gets Finch dressed, back in bed and hooked up to the machines again.

I do as she tells me. Grabbing some food at the closest fast food restaurant and buying a cup of coffee at Starbucks.

Afterwards I go back to the hospital, where Finch is lying back in his bed. He's wearing his black shirt. It's looking a lot better on him than the blue hospital dress they'd put on him.

Finch is sleeping when I arrive at his room, so I take a seat next to his bed in silence.

Finch sleeps for the rest of the day, I can imagine that showering takes a lot of energy.

Sometimes he spastically moves up and down with his feet. He also moves his head a lot when he sleeps, I wonder if he's dreaming about something.

I hope if he does dream, it is nice dreams.