All The Bright Places - Asleep

The Past.

Finch

Day 3 of the "Awake-Awake"

My head hurts from what happened yesterday. I didn't remember much about my past, but my father was one of the memories that I kept with me.

I can't believe he tried to hurt Violet. If he ever lays a finger on her I'll kill him. I just have to get stronger.

I groan while I try to keep my body standing. My arms holding me up, but my hands are starting to slide off the railings. I take a step, but it's hard. It takes a lot of force to move my body over an inch.

"Good job," the physiotherapist says. "You're doing great, Theodore."

Sweat runs over my head while I try to take another step. A painful shock moves through my arm and I slide away. I fall onto the ground with a loud thud.

I immediately feel hands on my shoulder. "You've done great today, let's try this again tomorrow, okay?"

I nod, wiping the sweat from my forehead.

Afterwards the physiotherapist – whose name is Cheryl – helps me back in my wheelchair. She takes me to Violet, who's apparently been watching me training my leg's muscles.

I smile.

She smiles back. Her smile is nice, just like she is. She's genuinely gorgeous and I completely get why I fell for her.

"You were doing great, Theodore," she says and she takes over the wheelchair from Cheryl. We walk back to my room, her feet tapping on the ground as she walks.

"C-can I ask y-you a q-question?" I ask when we're in the elevator.

"Sure."

"H-how did we m-meet?" I just need to know, I need to know when, why and how I met this perfect girl.

"It's kind of a long story." She sounds unsure about telling me. I wonder if we immediately liked each other, or maybe we hated each other.

"I-I like long s-stories."

"Ehm, okay." She takes a deep breath. "We met on the ledge of the school's bell tower. I believe you were thinking of jumping, and I was too. You've talked me off the ledge, kept me from jumping."

That's not what I expected, why on earth would we want to do that?

"W-why did y-you want to jump?"

"My sister, Eleanor, died in a car crash," she says.

"I-I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be." She sadly chuckles before saying, "You taught me what living really is like. We wandered together, you showed me to see the beauty in the world."

"W-wandered?"

"Yeah, we went to places," she explains. "At first for a school project, but eventually I wasn't doing it for that anymore. I'd fell in love with you, Theodore Finch."

It's almost the most perfect love story I've ever heard. Wandering sounds great, she sounds great. "We s-should w-wander together s-sometimes."

She stops walking for a second and I hear doubt in her voice when she says, "Yes, we still have to finish the school project anyway."

I look down at my lap while she continues walking. We finally arrive in my room.

Violet stands in front of me and I can immediately tell that she's sad.

"Y-You fell in love with who I-I used to be, right?" I ask.

"No..." She hesitates. "Yes."

I nod. "I-I'm sorry," I whisper and I already feel tears running over my cheeks. Those stupid emotions, why can't I just hide them! "I-It's my o-own s-stupid fault."

Violet looks away and I see that she's crying as well. "It's not your fault." She shakes her head and sobs. "It's my fault! I started a fight with you, I should've been more careful with what I said back then. It's my fault."

A lump appears in my throat. We fought before I did this to myself? She blames herself for this. And she's still been with me all this time?

I cry and in between the sobs I say, "It's m-my fault, n-not y-yours."

She looks up and wipes away a tear. She's just close enough for me to be able to take her hand. She stares at my hand and I feel she's holding mine too, carefully squeezing it as a sob escapes from her mouth.

"I-I'm sorry f-for doing th-this," I whisper. "I-I'm f-fucked up and that's m-my fault, not y-yours."

Her eyes stare into mine and her mouth opens a little bit. No sound comes out.

"I-I feel l-like I s-still love y-you," I admit after hesitating. "A-and I get it if y-you don't."

She looks away, I don't think she's still in love with me. I think she's terrified of me.

"B-but give me o-one more ch-chance. S-show me w-what living r-really feels l-like." I beg her. "P-please, Violet."

She looks at me, and after a short while she nods lightly.

"Okay."